relapse (kickthestickz and phan)

chapter 8

phils pov~
"y-you what?" I asked Dan, worry in my voice.

"I said I love you. like, a lot."

I ran over and hugged him tight. "ow, Phil!" he exclaimed. "sorry Dan. it's just... you really love me?" I asked. "more than all the stars in the sky."

"Dan, why would you do this to yourself?" I said, tears forming in my eyes. "if you loved me so much, why would you leave me?"

"Phil, I've been depressed since 6th grade. I've been cutting since 8th. I stopped for a while, but I guess I relapsed. none of this is your fault, I never want you to think that. sometimes it just takes over, y'know? I'm really sorry, Phil."

6th grade? how have I not known? he was my best friend, I loved him, how could I not of known? I felt so guilty inside. I could've stopped him sooner. none of this would've ever happened.

I couldn't speak. I could only cry. "Phil... I'm fine! you see me right here, I'm alive Phil. I'm here. you don't have to cry, Phil." Dan whispered to me.

then the nurse walked in.

"hello Daniel, here's your breakfast. oh, hello Phil."

she laid his breakfast on his bedside table and got a tray out to position over his bed so he could eat easier. she placed his food on it and then left.

Dan stared at his food for a while, almost unsure what to do.
"Dan, do you want to eat?" I asked him.
"I'm not hungry Phil."
i understood that feeling quite well.

"Dan, you really need to eat."

"I said I'm not hungry!"

Dan's pov~
Phil wouldn't stop trying to get me to eat. I'm not hungry! how hard is that to get? I just tried to end my life for crying out loud.

"fine. I'll eat one bite, if it'll make you happy." I said to Phil.

I looked at the tray and pondered what to eat. there was an egg, some ham, a bowl of yogurt, and a glass of juice. I decided to have a spoon of the yogurt.

"see Phil." I said as I put the spoon in my mouth, "I can eat."

"good job."

I want to just tell Phil everything, but hedoesn't get it. he doesn't understand that I wanted to tell him, for quite a while now, but I couldn't. the voice said he wouldn't listen. the voice said he wouldn't care. I listened to the voice. I was so vulnerable, and I was looking for any solution possible. that voice, he was a solution. not a good one, but he provided explanation. those explanations were false, but eventually I believed them.

_________________________

A/N my grandpa is yelling about ice as I'm writing this.

ANYWAYS
yep
they love each other.
:)))))

-Poptart Nicole