This Boy | j.l. [complete]

Chapter 21

      We made our way to John's flat, only making small conversation. Paul asked me about how mine and John's relationship was before the fight and I told him some cute stories. How loveable John was, and how he did his best to show a softer side of himself to me. We got off the bus and started are way to John's apartment. It wasn't a very exciting spot, it wasn't even that homey, but it was fine for John. We headed into the building and then up in the elevator, reaching John's room finally.

"I can't do it," I whispered

"Yes you can, we're here right behind you," Paul assured

"What if he doesn't want to see me?" I asked

"He will, come on," George spoke as he knocked on the door

Moments later the doorknob clicked and John stood in the doorway. He looked as though we woke him up from sleeping, his hair was a mess and his glasses were placed lazily on his face. He saw me and rolled his eyes slightly, even though we were still technically in a fight, I couldn't help but scold him for his rubbish attitude.

"John stop it," I spoke, my arms crossed lazily over my chest

"Come in then," He yawned letting me in but stopping the boys at the door "You can wait here," John smiled cheekily

"Don't do anything you'll regret, you know exactly what I mean," Paul warned

"I'll tie my hands behind my back," John assured before closing the door

I stood over at the window, looking down into the street watching people that looked to be much calmer and happy then I was right now. I felt johns gaze on me, burning through me like his eyes always managed to do. I sighed and took a deep breath,

"Ruth," He said softly. I turned to him as he was taking a cigarette out of its packet. I looked at him for a moment before slowly making my way over to him.

"I've been thinking," He started

"That's never good," I said and he flicked his eyes up to look at me, raising his eyebrows

"Point is, I've just been thinking a lot," He shrugged grabbed some matches and lighting his cigarette

"John, whats so bad about me having a record contact and a manager? Why can you follow your dream and I can't?" I asked softly, he let out a long and sigh of smoke, then looked at me.

"Because...I just, I don't want to see us drift from something like this," He confessed

"You didn't seem to care when we got into the fight."

"I was angry,"

"So was I."

"Listen doll, I don't want you to leave me no matter what I say, I'm scared I'll lose you," He spoke softly

"John, how will you lose me?" I asked stepping closer

"What if you become famous and I don't, then you travel the world while I stay home. Or even if we both become famous we'll never be with each other, we'll always be in different places at different times," He explained

"How is that different from you become big and me staying here in Liverpool?" I asked

"It's not, but I would take you with me. My idea was that I would be able to afford a big house, you wouldn't have to work, I could take you with me all over the word, but I can't have that if you leave me," He explained, his eyes looked as red as mind did before and I couldn't help but give in

"You don't have to worry about me leaving you John,"

"Yes I do, you're gonna leave me, you're gonna pack you fucking bags and leave me in the dust like everyone else does. I've had enough of people leaving me, it's about time I leave them!" John shouted, I stepped back but kept my eyes on him, waiting for him to calm before I spoke again.

"I'm not going to leave you,"

"How do I know that? I was sure you already did after this stupid fight," He spat

"I know John but I was really upset. Listen I love you, I'm not going to leave you. I really truly hated you for a while, but it's not hard to see that you're just as scared as I am," I walked over too him and took his hand in mine

John looked at me in silence, I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, he placed his arms around my waist resting his head on my shoulder. I held him tightly and ran my hand through the back of his hair.

"I'm not gonna leave you, if I can stand here and say I love you after hating your guts as much as I did then you can take my word for it, I never imagined myself forgiving you after all of this but I do John," I placed my hand on the back of his neck and kissed his temple

"I love you," He mumbled

"I love you too," I said softly holding him still.

It was then that I realized this only made our relationship feel a bit more real. I truly love John, even after all of this that's happened, even after I went and told Will he was right. I'd find a way to get John and Will to like each other, or at least be able to tolerate each other — best I can.