just me

smile

I can't hide anymore
From what I'm feeling
I can smile and hope you don't see
All the things that hurt me.

I can hug you and for a moment
Try to believe in this
But I can't hide
The anxiety I live with
Always wondering when I'll mess up next.

I used to be so confident around you
There wasn't anything I couldn't do
But now everything seems wrong
I can't live like that
I'm trying to move on.

They didn't expect so much
I could let go of some of the pressure
They didn't have questions
That I could never answer
Why I never felt good enough
Why I never felt the love you spoke of.
They didn't expect me to perfect
You say you didn't either
I just smiled
After a while it lost its meaning.

I can't hide anymore from myself
This just isn't me
But I have for so long
You wouldn't like what you see.
You always got to be you
But I couldn't be
Too afraid you'd turn around and leave.
Turns out being me is just fine
There's others in line
To accept me, just the way I am.

You said all you ever wanted was me
To be just myself
But it was too late, it was something I never felt
After someone else came in
Showed me what I could be
That's when you said these things.
I just smiled
Then it lost its meaning.

I found a reason to smile again
I found myself again
Some days I like what I see
Some days I struggle to like the face staring back at me.
But my growth shines through the mess.