Aftermath

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The next morning the boys came running into the cottage early. They ate a small breakfast that she made in the little kitchen, eggs, toast and coffee for her.

"Paul is taking us sailing in ten minutes. Are you comin'?" Cameron asked her.

"I think I'll stay behind this time, sweetheart," she answered. She had a scheduled appointment with Dr. Bita on Skype.

"K, bye, Mom." Bo kissed her cheek and ran out the door with a clean shirt in his hand and his fancy new deck shoes that Sophia had bought for them.

"We'll be back by two," Paul said. 

Cameron kissed her cheek and slammed the door behind him.

Instantly, the cottage was too quiet, so Lou decided to sit out on the porch that overlooked the sea. Surrounded with the soothing sound of the distant waves lapping against the grey boulders that lined the shore and the rustling of leaves in the trees, her mind cleared and her thoughts were set adrift.

It was a dangerous thing for her at times, having her mind lulled by a soothing sound, freeing her thoughts to go where they pleased.

'Carter did not want any more children, had gone ahead and had a vasectomy without even telling her. Did she still long for more children?'

An hour late, over Skype, Dr. Bita said, "You're still a young woman. Having more children has never crossed your mind. Really, that surprises me."

"When Carter decided to get a vasectomy, I was very opinionated, but now what's the point? I can't magically conceive a child on my own," she said.

"Lou, you know what I was referring to was you allowing yourself to consider the idea of more children, if and when you remarry."

Hearing the words remarry made her ears instantly burn. Bita had spoken a few times about remarriage, finding a companion, a partner to share her life with, and that if she was ever was interested in another man that it was not cheating on Carter. She was young and it was natural for her to want to be with someone again.

Lou knew that she had a long way to go before she felt that would be possible.

"Honestly, I don't think I'm even interested in being with another man. Marriage is hard. Carter and I fought a lot. We've already talked about how hard it was to work through his anger issues after he..." saying certain words out loud never got easier, no matter how many times you said them.

"After he started physically abusing you to end your arguments," Bita said.

"I never thought of myself as a battered woman, still don't. Like we already talked about, I knew he was messed up at the time, and so was I, and I don't regret staying and working it out. When I was twenty, I totally remembering thinking, if a man ever hit me, I'd be gone, but then life happens and it's never that easy. I did a lot of compromising but in the end, Carter was my best friend and I knew him forever, and forgiving him, moving forward I'll never regret. He was worth the work, you know? And it wasn't like I was some innocent flower. If he hit me, I hit him back, we both had a lot of maturing to do and we did get there, eventually. I have no idea how I could go through all that again with some stranger."

"Lou, reconsider your choice of words. If you remarry, you wouldn't marry a stranger. That title goes away after you start dating. You and Carter had a strong bond and I can see how you can feel that it could never be replaced; that is a very natural and understandable way to feel. But consider the fact that you are still a young woman, do you truly never see yourself enjoying the companionship of another man?"