Aftermath

Chapter 21-Buying A Lottery Ticket

Chapter 21

Exhausted from getting little sleep the last couple of nights, Voss closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall in Hamilton's office, where he'd been parked to wait for Lou. He was still cranked up about the broken condom and had a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that he was secretly glad. He had no idea how he was going to find out, but he needed to find out when Lou had her next period. It felt like he'd just bought a lottery ticket by mistake and now all he wanted in life boiled down to if his ticket won, if he'd planted his child inside of Lou; his hero, his obsession, his soul's most haunting desire...Lou the mother of his child. The odds were low, and some how they were what he had begun to cling to.

If Lou was pregnant, he would in essence have the perfect trap to keep her with him, always, she wouldn't be able to get away from him after that and would have to let go of all her reasons why they couldn't be together. A kid, their kid, would mean Voss would be in her life forever and she would give in and allow him to love her and let herself love him in return. It was her nature to nurture to love. She'd make him the happiest man and he'd make her the happiest wife, cloaking her in love and protecting her once and for all from the William Lampton's of the world...did he just leap over a step and think of Lou as his wife?

He had unconsciously begun to think of her as his wife. Of course, Lou was full of exceptions. Voss didn't remember the last time he actually used the words 'making love to describe sex. Now that he thought about it, he didn't think he ever had. He couldn't stop looking into Lou's eyes when they made love, watching and memorizing the sound of her gasp of relief and returned wanton desire, watching her come apart as she came for him over and over. He was thrown off his game with her a few times, losing control, charging forward, not taking his time but spurred on by her distracted noises and the looks of ecstasy on her face.

Lou was pure passion. She didn't know how to act at all. She couldn't even lie convincingly. Everything she felt while he was making love to her, he could read across her face and hear it in the honesty in her voice. He simply couldn't get enough of her, not sleeping only to stay awake and watch her, listening to her breath, feel her warmth pressing into him, soaking straight into his heart.

Now that he'd had her a few times, he wanted her more. He wanted to lock the door and not let her out or anyone in. She trusted him and was allowing herself to feel pleasure from him and maybe even a measure of happiness but he could still tell she had her guard up. She was creating little walls around herself in certain ways that he wanted to break down, already he felt her trying to push back.

His love drunk brain drifted back to the lottery ticket. He always hated when girlfriends had their periods because it made them off limits to him for a few days. Now he wanted to count down to her next period.

He should want her not to be pregnant, right? It was selfish and unfair to Lou, who he loves. There was no way he should want her to be pregnant, was there? He banged his head lightly against the wall. Fuck this was screwed up.

The thought of her being put in a bad position because of his mistake was scaring the piss out of him. On the other hand, the thought of her carrying his kid and watching him grow up like Cameron and Bo set his mouth to turn into a smile, unconsciously.

He was a sick bastard. He couldn't force this woman to carry his kid just because he wanted someone to love him, that was sick.'

Voss hated waiting. It was making him go insane, so he left the privacy of Hamilton's office and started pacing the hall outside the procedures room doors.

"So are you here for a nip or a tuck?" Veronica said smoothly from behind him. Veronica and her manager mother were suddenly standing in front of him.