my poems. nd shits?

To my father

✴Coat.
- acb

He's not really gone.
In the back of my mind,
He's waiting for me at his usual place,
By the wooden room.

There he sits,
Wallowing his own grievances,
And I would make my way to him,
Hold his hand and press it against my head.

I think of you in typical sermons,
Judging and making comments,
But I know now they're out of love,
And I wish I appreciated sooner.

You'd say I'm being sentimental,
That I don't really care about you anymore,
Yet I still cry,
I still feel the endless pit of emptiness within my heart.

I see your shadow lingering at your chair,
Your stern words echoing,
I see your eyes at your last moments,
Your dying plee forever a scar on my mind.

You are the harsh winds,
And the hot summer rays
When I awaken at dawn,
You are the warmth that follows,

Of morning talks,
The static news of radios,
The voice that pushes me through the day,
Despite the hypocrisies you'd say.

You are my dear father,
In spite of it all.
And grief is but my love
In a heavy, heavy coat.

AN: I just lost my father, and although we grew apart nd argued a lot. I miss him:(((his death is just something recent and I don't know how to deal with my lost. Im tired.