Love, Lies, Secrets and Manipulation (Divergent/Eric OC)

37. Biggest Mistake

(Natalie's POV)

"I should go see Des before breakfast," I quietly blurt out, fidgeting with the hem of the silk sheet that's draped over myself.

I look up at Eric as he sits higher up, his head leaning back against the padded headboard of the bed. My legs are stretched out in front of me with my feet planted up against the headboard, now about a foot to the side of his head.

"Yeah," he says, reaching out to grab my hand. "She'll have the morning-after pill there in the infirmary."

Not using protection last night wasn't exactly my plan, but... hey, sometimes things just happen.

"You should tell her you want to get on the pill," Eric adds. "You know, so we don't always have to use condoms." He pauses, letting out a sigh. "They're a hassle anyways."

"You don't like using them?" I only ask because he has an entire drawer in his bathroom filled with them.

"Not really, but, I've always just used them as precaution. I never wanted to accidentally get some girl knocked up."

"Accidentally?" I question. "You say it as if you just randomly tripped and fell into girls' vaginas, not even meaning to."

He chuckles while looking down at me. "Yeah, well, you know what I mean. I didn't want to end up getting stuck with some girl, having to raise a kid with her."

I cock an eyebrow. "Stuck with?"

"Not like that, alright? I just mean... Well, before you... I just never wanted anything serious. I never saw myself in a serious relationship with any of those other girls. Not to mention, even having a kid with one of them. That just... wasn't what I wanted."

I lay here on my back, silent, just looking at him, wondering if he'll ever want a family with me someday. I know he's told me before that he's never felt as strongly about any other girl as he does with me, and I also know that I'm the first girl that he's ever asked to be his girlfriend. He even told me the other night that he thinks he's falling in love with me, too. But even with all of that, sometimes, in the back of my mind, I wonder what makes me so different from all those other girls he's been with.

What makes me so special?

What reason do I have to think that he'll ever want something more serious than just a simple boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?

"What are you thinking about?" Eric asks.

I smile and look down, slightly shaking my head. "Nothing."

I have no intention of bringing up the subjects of marriage or babies just yet. Truthfully, I don't see myself having children anytime soon. I'm barely about to turn seventeen this coming weekend. I think I'd like to finish out the rest of my teenage years just being that; a teenager.

I do see children in my future, however, not for a few years, at least. Right now, I just want to enjoy being with Eric. I just want it to be us; me and him. I want to be selfish and have him all to myself for as long as I can.

And beside all of that, I have a feeling that Eric doesn't see himself being a father anytime soon, anyway. I would never want to rush him into anything he's not ready for. Even marriage. Honestly, I'm happy with just being with his girlfriend. His first girlfriend. That has to count for something. Right?

"What about you?" Eric asks, gaining my attention. "What do you want? In the future?"

I remain silent for a while, wondering if it's an actual trick question. Maybe he's just trying to find out if I want more from this relationship; and if I tell him that I eventually do, I'm not so certain he'll be on the same page.