Plans Of My Own

11. Breaking His Heart

Updating 2 days in a row bc I start legalized torture (school) on Wednesday and I don't know how crazy my week will be. I'll try to update again on Thursday.

I could tell we were getting closer and closer to Tyler's house because we were weaving in and out of side streets. I felt like I wanted to stay in his car forever. This comfortable silence was relaxing. I didn't want to go into his house and tell him my future plans.

I like Tyler. I like him a lot and it's crazy for me to even admit that. I could tell he wants to be more than friends, but I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to put all my feelings out there, just for my heart to get broken.

Tyler doesn't seem like the type to hurt me. I'm positive that he doesn't have any intentions of hurting me. But, I'm broken and extremely sensitive, he can easily hurt me without even trying.

At least I'm not afraid of Tyler anymore.

At this point in my life, I'm not ready for a relationship. I just need a friend. A really good friend. Someone that is going to stick with me and prove that they won't hurt me.

Knowing that he wants to be more than friends worries me. I'm not ready to tell him that I want a friendship or nothing. I'm not ready for a relationship and I'm certainly not ready for him to chose nothing. I hope it's not too difficult for him to chose a friendship, but I don't want him to think he will get a relationship after the friendship.

What about when I tell him I want to move to New York?

I felt Tyler grab my hand in my lap. I looked down and our hands and back to him. I gave him a weak smile. "Let's go in" he said. I realized that we were parked in his drive way. I wonder how long we were just sitting there.

We just walked in and we went straight to his living room couch. It was one of the most comfortable couches I've ever sat on.

I heard a laugh and I looked up at Tyler. "I know...it's comfortable, right" he gave me a grin. "Yea" I said plainly as I watched him sit on the couch facing me.

"So what's this big plan of yours?" Tyler asked looking very excited.

I didn't expect him to go right into this. I have to discuss us first. Where was I going to start? I hope what I say doesn't hurt him. I know he cares about me and I know what it's like to be hurt by someone you care about.

"You okay?" Tyler asked looking concerned. I must have had a really shitty look on my face.

"Um yea..Ty we need to talk about us before anything else" I say really seriously. "Well what do you want to know?" He asked looking ready to be open about everything. I was relieved that he wasn't hurt.

"I kind of have an idea about what you want between us. I want you to know that I don't want to hurt you in any of this. I know what it is like to be hurt by someone you care about" I sighed and looked up at Tyler. I began again, "Anyway, I am no where near ready for a relationship. I need a friendship and I'm sorry if that isn't going to work for you. But, I need to protect myself" I sighed while watching his face drop.

"Bella, I understand you want to protect yourself, but I'm not going to hurt you. And I'm sure you've heard that before...but the person saying it wasn't me. You're very strong. I don't need to see how strong you are. I already know. I care too much about you to just give up the chance to be with you."

"Tyler, I've heard these things bef-" I began to say before he interrupted me. "Yes, I know you've heard these things before and nobody's proved it. But, but I'm nothing like that asshole. And I would never be stupid enough to let you go." His eyes were glassy.
"No, no way. I have really bad trust issues. They will put way to much stress on the relationship. Tyler, I hate to say it, but friends or nothing." I said holding back tears.

"Bell, just give it a try. It's been 2 and a half years" he begged

"It wouldn't last anyway because I have to go to New York for my masters degree" I hate looking at him with the hurt in his eyes.

"We could make it work though" he tried to reason with me. It was only making the burning in my throat worse.

"Tyler are you hearing me?" It doesn't seem like he was listening.

"I guess nothing. As much as I hate it...nothing. I can't just be friends." He had tears falling out of his eye.

"Okay, I guess I'll leave then." I turned around as fast as I could and walked toward the door. Before I opened the door I turned to look at him one last time, "I said I needed a friend. If you cared the way you say you do...you'd be there for me. You're just like everyone else" I said through my tears. I turned back toward the door and opened it.

At the same time, the screen door opened and Jamie was walking in with Brielle. The both of them saw the tears running down my face.

"TYLER WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BEST FRIEND?" Brielle screamed as she tried to run in the house, but Jamie stopped her. He picked her up and turned around to put her down. He ran past me and into the house. "Tyler what the fuck happened?!" We heard Jamie yell at Tyler.

I just looked at Brielle and fell into her arms. "I can't b-be with hi-im! And-d h-he doesn't wan-nt to be friends. H-he wants-s nothi-ng to do with me now!" I was hysterical. I didn't know what to do.

"Do you guys want a ride back?" Jamie stepped out of the house.

"Please" Brielle answered him. We both got in Jamie's back seat and I cried the entire way to our dorms.

Before we got out of the car, Brielle told Jamie she would talk to him before she went to bed.

I went into my dorm and told Brielle to leave. I wanted to be alone. Jessica went home for the before our 2nd semester. So, I had the dorm to myself.

Tonight would be another night that I cried myself to sleep. All I could think about was the fact that I tried to protect myself. I even tried to protect Tyler. But, once again, I'm heart broken and I feel like I left Tyler heartbroken too.

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Andddd that's the 11th chapter.

Bella tried too prevent hurting herself and Tyler. But, that didn't happen.

Who is going to change their mind first...Bella or Tyler?