Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

47

Author's note: Merry Christmas, folks! Hope you had an excellent year.

"Really, another one?"

John was sure he wouldn't do half of the things he did if he wasn't so in love with Nina. If Ashley had suggested something of the sort, he would've glared daggers at her and she would've shot her own idea down. But Nina kept assuring him that it would be great for his brand, and it would distract people from the shapeshifters even more. They had a fight earlier that same week and he felt bad about it. He still couldn't shake up the feeling that Nina probably only liked John and hated Homelander, which made him feel insecure and not enough. He could fly and destroy a person with nothing more than one punch, and still she wanted to go around and do average human things, like holding hands at Central park. He thought about their nights of lovemaking together, and how she always seemed satisfied and happy, happier than when they were working at their corporate jobs. They got to see each other every day, but he was mostly wearing his suit and acting as his Homelander persona. It felt like he was putting all of that effort for nothing.

"Yes, another one," Nina smiled, "please, John."

After the Voughtland event, Nina started to book those Homelander appearances which improved his image drastically. She used to go around social media reading opinions about him, and there were a lot of positive headlines, even from tabloids, which were his worst detractors. She knew he hated it, he had said he hated kids before, but it was endearing to see him at least try to get along with them. She loved him, and although they never talked about it, she respected his decision of not having children. Some people could say after having kids, one learns how to be a parent, but Nina never believed that. The world would be a better place if people became parents out of their own volition, without pressure from others, family, church, their partners. Of course Nina's mom would bother her about children once in a while, but in her case it was easy to ignore.

Nina took Homelander to a children's hospital, once again. He hated children no matter what, and sick children were the worst. They looked so pale and decrepit, moribund creatures that were just waiting to die. It was depressing and he hated the energy they brought with them, like a dark cloud covering the sun in a sunny day. Children's hospitals were weird liminal spaces, they were worse than regular hospitals because the energy was the same, but the decoration made the space look bizarre. Balloons, cartoon cats, sometimes a few posters with useful information for parents. But it was that same, creepy ambience. She knew that all of those colorful decorations and cartoons all over the walls weren't enough to cheer a grieving family.

They entered the hospital together and it was as Nina had imagined: colorful decorations in a very somber place. The nurses and doctors cheered when Homelander came, but Nina could see in their eyes they were tired and overworked. Some were holding hands with children in tiny hospital gowns, two children also in wheelchairs. They looked so happy to see him, and started to cheer as loud as they could. Nina smiled and she looked at Homelander to see he had more of a neutral face. They had talked before coming, she had told him that he needed to make at least a little bit of effort. She elbowed him gently to see if he got the hint and he started waving back at the kids. Nina sighed of relief and did the same.

"How are you, little heroes?", he said, enthusiastically. Nina knew his fake happy voice, but the children bought it.

Homelander came and shook all of their tiny hands. Some of them were giggling, some were jumping. One little girl, red hair and pigtails, tried to reach out to him.

"Uppie!", she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling. He lifted her up and sat her on his shoulders.

"Let's play together!" he cheerily suggested, to which the kids started screaming in excitement.

They were taken to a separate room, that looked to be for leisure. For sure, some patients stayed there for long periods of time and needed to have some entertainment. They had a bookshelf, some toys, the floor was covered with soft colored mats, in case a child fell, it would be more difficult for them to injure themselves. There was another patient, reading next to the bookshelf. It was an older child, possibly a teenager. He had an IV bag right next to him, connected to his arm, and didn't look up when Homelander approached.

"That's Pablo," whispered one of the nurses, "it's just best to leave him alone."

Nina nodded. Homelander put the little girl on the floor and asked what they wanted to do.

"Can you read for us, Mr. Homelander?", a blond little boy asked, "Please?"

"Of course," Homelander kneeled, "what do you want to hear?"

"Starlight, the shining star!", he cheered. Homelander smiled back at him, trying not to make a face.

"Of course," he said, going to the bookshelf.

Vought made a series of children's books based on the Seven, and of course, Starlight had one named after her. It was about a little girl who came from Des Moines and became one of the strongest female superheroes ever. He had to hide his disdain for that book and that woman, and he only did that because Nina was there and he didn't want to disappoint her once again. The teenager was still reading nearby and started talking as soon as Homelander reached for the book.

"Dylan always asks for this same damn book," said Pablo, without looking up, "I think this kid is fucking gay."

Dylan, the blond kid, heard that and started crying. Homelander glared daggers at Pablo. Now he had to deal with a crying child, who was also sick. Pablo didn't seem to care.

"Well, that's not a nice thing to say," replied Homelander.

Pablo glared at him. There was nothing behind his eyes, not once ounce of regret or any other feeling. Even Homelander himself got a bit scared.

"Why? Isn't it obvious? Kid's a flamer," Pablo said, expressionless, "that's why his dad is never coming back."

Dylan started to cry harder. Homelander sighed, trying to reason with the teen. A doctor approached.

"I'm sorry, just don't... don't try to reason with him," the doctor said, touching Homelander's arm to try and take him away.

"Pablo, that's not a nice thing to say," Homelander replied, sounding like a first grade teacher.

"But that's true," replied Pablo, "dad said men who suck cock don't go to heaven, and Dylan is probably going to hell."

The doctor sighed. It seemed like it was a common occurrence, and there was nothing to do about it.

"Pablo, please..." one of the nurses approached, "do you want to go back to your room?"

"Fuck no," frowned Pablo, "why should I, just because of this clown and his Satan worshipping friends?"

"Man, shut the fuck up," Homelander clapped back, making the staff gasp. Dylan stopped crying.

"Or what?" Pablo teased, "what are you gonna do?"

Homelander glared at him, angry and annoyed, and his eyes slowly turned red. Nina leaped in front of him, standing between the teen and the Supe, and shook his shoulders. She had seen him being angry at kids before, but not like that. She shook him until his eyes got back to normal, which they did after a second. She was so disappointed, so embarrassed, so powerless to do anything. She turned back to the staff and the kids who stared at her in shock. Pablo started laughing a diabolical laugh. Nina sighed. She felt like it was her fault, as she had organized all of that.

"I'm very deeply sorry for that," Nina addressed the staff, "I'm sorry, but we have to go."

She left the room and Homelander followed. The staff was too paralyzed to do anything. Even Dylan was too confused to understand what had happened. Nina made sure to get inside the car and not look back. He came flying like a toddler who didn't want to follow rules, so he knew his way back home. She didn't have to coddle him for mistakes he himself caused. In many ways, John himself was better than Homelander, even if he didn't see it that way. That's what she meant. She wished he understood.