Infallible

Chapter 12

Rae had a lot to think about. She spent a restless night mulling over her conversation with Four. She was apprehensive about training tomorrow, hoping that Four's advice would stick with her throughout her simulations. He had also given her quite a bit of information about Divergence, and why everyone was so afraid of it. Especially Erudite leader Jeanine Matthews. She did not want to be discovered.
***
The next day Rae entered the simulation room with a little more confidence than she had the previous day. Other than being highly aware of the extremely awkward situation that had presented itself between Four and herself, she was confident that she could do what she needed to do.
The simulation began similar to the last one. The classic signs of fear overcoming her. When she opened her eyes, she found herself in her old room. The Amity compound... She could smell the sweet air she had known her whole life. She ran her fingers slowly along the nightstand, over the books on the desk and over the knobs of her old dresser. Rae's mom had painted this dresser. She smiled to herself at the little chip marks going up the edge where her mom had measured her height growing up. There had been good memories here. They were just buried under years of abandonment and abuse.
Her chest tightened as she felt a presence behind her. As she turned to face her visitor, a large fist met her cheek with such force it knocked her clean of her feet. She lay on the ground a moment, trying to steady her doubled vision when a kick to her abdomen sent her sailing through the small wooden desk in the corner.
Rae made a gutteral noise, the wind knocked out of her lungs. Laying in a pile of the desk's remnants, she attempted to curl herself into a ball and think.
How do I get out of this.
Strong hands grasped her, lifting her up into the air. Finally, she came eye to eye with her attacker.
Eric.
Fully expecting to see her father, seeing Eric's hate-filled eyes boring into her own shocked her.
How do I get out of this? She asked herself again. The realization struck her that she first needed to pinpoint what exactly her fear was. It certainly wasn't being beaten up by Eric. Being beaten up wasn't foreign to Rae. Not to mention, she and Eric had basically shot each other before, and all the times he kicked her ass during their private training. She wasn't afraid of him anymore.
You're not afraid of the REAL Eric. A voice in the back of her head chimed in. This wasn't the real Eric. He was a representation of something else. But what?
"You were a mistake." Said sim-Eric, glaring at her furiously. "I have never, and will never want you. Nobody ever will."
Oh... That was it. Her father had uttered these exact words to her on her 13th birthday. At the time, before she became numb to it, her father's hatred for her affected her greatly. Now the same words were coming out of Eric's perfect, full lips.
"You are worthless, weak and make everyone around you miserable. I can't believe I wasted any of my time on you."
Tears spilled over onto Rae's cheeks against her will. She wanted to wipe them away, but his hold on her was too strong. Her fear was of being worthless. She had been for as long as she could remember. Only now did she realize how she craved the feeling of being important to someone.
She looked him in the eye and noticed they were different than real Eric's. They still held the same hard intimidation, yet these eyes were empty. These eyes had nothing but soullessness and anger. These were the eyes of her father.
"I am not worthless. I'm NOT WORTHLESS!" She shouted. Sim-Eric threw her to the ground but she managed to keep her balance, remaining on her feet.
"I don't need anyone to tell me what I am worth." She said it firmly, her confidence rising. He lunged, causing Rae to flinch, but there was no impact.
She opened her eyes to find herself back in the fear simulation lab. Sitting up, she looked at Four. He had the most peculiar look on his face. Rae was just about to ask him what was the matter when his eyes darted to something over her shoulder. She turned to find Eric himself resting against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest and an odd expression on his face as well.
"Eric came to oversee your simulation, since the computer crashed during your last one." Said Four. She picked up on the usual tone of dislike that he had whenever he spoke of Eric.
"It's procedure." Said Eric, pushing off the wall with one foot. "Seems like everything went... Normally, this time. Max should be satisfied." He narrowed his eyes at Rae, who felt the need to put extra distance between them after what she'd just experienced.
Eric paused a few moments, studying Rae's face intently. Finally, with one quick frown back at Four, he stepped slowly past her and exited the room.
Damn it. Why did he have to see that?
"I'm pretty sure you did it." Said Four, turning to his computer. Rae rushed to his side, trying to decipher the information on the monitor. "You identified with your fear and worked through it. You were out for 12 minutes total. That's still good enough to get you a really decent ranking." He said with a hint of a smile. Rae thanked him, feeling relieved.
"You know, the weirdest people keep showing up in your simulations." She froze, wide eyed. "Mind telling my why Eric's in your head now?"
"Uh, he- he's a scary guy." Was all she said before rushing out the door. She needed some air. Deciding to skip dinner she headed straight to the roof.
***
It was dark now, and windy. Rae shivered and hugged her knees, trying to shield herself from the chill. She had been up here for hours. She had run into Deidra on her way, and they walked up together. They had talked and laughed for quite awhile, but Rae decided not join her friend when she headed back down into the compound. She wasn't ready to be with the others. The calm was welcomed.
After some time went by, Rae heard footsteps approaching. Whipping her head to the left, she saw a tall, muscular figure approaching. Eric wore black sweatpants, white t shirt and a black hoodie. He approached Rae, and took a seat beside her. He didn't say anything, but he noticed her shivering.
He reached out, intending to pull her closer to him, but she recoiled from his touch. He looked slightly hurt, and Rae felt guilty. She hadn't done it on purpose.
It was just a sim.
Leaning into him, she lay her head against his very muscular arm and whispered, "Nice sweats."
"It's pretty late." He said, resting a hand on her knee.
"How did you know I was up here?" She asked.
"The control room." He said with a shrug. He met her gaze and his expression turned serious. "Rae, I don't mean to scare you. I'm sorry if I do."
"No.... You don't scare me. Not anymore."
His eyes narrowed. "I saw your simulation today."
She looked at her hands, searching for the easiest possible answer.
"It isn't you that I'm afraid of. It's being worthless to you that scares me... Or, not being loved by anyone. That one day when I go, nobody will miss me."
"What about your family? I'm sure they miss you."
Rae laughed. She couldn't help it, and she continued to laugh for several minutes. She laughed so hard that her stomach hurt and tears streamed down her face, while Eric looked at her like she had lost her mind. This only made her laugh harder. When she was finally able to control herself, she replied,
"No. He won't miss me. The only thing he'll miss is having his own personal punching bag."
Eric's eyebrows furrowed. "Your father? Wait, punching bag? He hit you?"
"Well... yeah. If I was lucky, that was the worst of it. On my 13th birthday he told me the exact same things you said to me today in my simulation. Right before my 17th birthday, he broke two of my ribs and fractured my arm. Once, when he was really drunk, he actually tried to drown me in our bathtub. I struggled of course and accidentally slapped his face and he sort of woke up and realized how much trouble he would get in if he actually killed me."
Eric didn't say anything for a moment. As he sat looking down into her green eyes, he wondered why she said this with a smile. As if sensing his question, she said,
"I got my revenge though. He's a coward... he fears Dauntless. Now he knows he can never touch me again. You should have seen his face at the choosing ceremony!"
Eric shook his head, angry. A feeling he wasn't familiar with was consuming him rapidly. He didn't think Rae had gotten revenge at all. The bastard was still breathing.
"I wondered where your bruises came from, on Choosing Day." Eric growled. "He better pray I don't ever cross paths with him. NOBODY hurts my girl."
Swiftly, he turned and grabbed Rae, pulling her on to his lap. He kissed her hungrily, possessively. Rae, although caught by surprise, welcomed the kiss. It hadn't been long but she already missed his his lips on hers. Suddenly, she remembered something and pulled away.
"Eric, can't they see us? In the control room, or whatever?"
Eric groaned in frustration.
"I can't wait until initiation is over." He said. They both stood. "I know the guy in the control room. He won't snitch. Hold on, follow me."
He led her over around the corner and under a small alcove. Assuring her they were safe from prying eyes, he yet again pulled her into a deep kiss. She melted to him, savoring the way he made her feel so alive and so safe at the same time. They stayed there on the roof for a good while, wrapped up in each other, wishing for more privacy.
When Rae was finally hardly able to keep her eyes open, Eric walked her as close as he thought was wise to the initiates dorms. With one quick kiss and a playful slap to her backside, he sent her to bed and then headed to his apartment.

Hey guys! It's been a little while since I updated. I'm sorry for that, and the fact that this chapter is kind of short and lacking in the action department. But it's all part of the storyline! Life has been kicking my ass lately and my creative juices definitely do NOT flow so easily when I'm stressed out haha. But I'll do my best to get my life together and deliver more updates for you lovely people! Question, with Rae being Divergent, what do you think that means for her future with Eric??? Guesses? (: