Infallible

Chapter 30

  Rae had screamed and thrashed around upon her admittance to her holding room. All her cries had been ignored. She understood now that she was merely a subject to be studied, not an actual human, in Erudite eyes.
  After what felt like forever, she finally sat. Her tears spilled down her cheeks and in to her hands which were folded on her lap. She made no attempt to hide them. Trying to force her brain to process what was happening was useless. The only things she could feel were flat and defeated and empty. Eric was lost, she was alone and she would die here. Eventually she laid her head back against the wall and fell into a restless sleep.
***
The next day she was taken unceremoniously to another room. This one held a reclining chair much like the one she used in stage 2 of Dauntless training. Jeannine did not look up for her computer as she was ushered in, and didn't see the burning glare that Rae sent her way.
"Where is Eric?" She demanded loudly as her arms and legs were once again restrained. Jeanine did not answer or acknowledge her in any way.
"Where. Is. Eric. Bitch." She repeated herself, this time enunciating each word like Jeanine was a tiny school girl.
"Name calling isn't necessary, Auraelia." She spoke flatly without looking up. "I see no reason whatsoever to tell you with his whereabouts."
"I'm his wife." Rae pointed out, her jaw set in anger.
"You are Divergent. Nothing more." Jeanine finally turned around to meet Rae's fiery green eyes, seemingly unaffected.
"Go fuck yourself, Jeanine." The woman's name came off Rae's tongue like a curse, her hatred whipping in angry tendrils around it.
  Jeanine only raised the corner of her lips in amusement as she checked that Rae was properly restrained.  With a nod of her head, she walked to a corner of the room as a figure dressed in blue approached Rae's helpless figure. Rae began to struggle, thrashing her head from side to side as the blue figure attempted to sink the needle into her neck.
"Hold still Auraelia. Fighting won't help your cause."
"My cooperation won't help yours. Tell me where my husband is."
Jeanine looked at her for a long time before sighing resolutely.
"He is preparing to lead an attack in Candor in a few day. Your friends are there, likely harboring a great number of Divergents just like yourself. Maybe even some that will be better for my studies than you are. He will retrieve them, and bring them here to me." Her voice was matter-of-fact and condescending.
"You are disgusting." Rae spat angrily.
  An hint of irritation passed over Jeanine's face before it returned to its cool passivity. The Erudite next to her bed shoved the needle sharply in to her neck. Rae did not give Jeanine the satisfaction of flinching, instead she held the blond woman's gaze until the needle was withdrawn from her neck. She felt her body, slowly and quickly all at the same time, slipping into a fear landscape. She felt the familiar sensations of a racing heart, and sweat at her temple that signaled the onset of the simulation. She squeezed her eyes shut, preparing to face her worst fears.
   The next thing she knew, she heard the door of the room opening. Opening her eyes, she looked up and gasped. Eric's large frame filled the doorway through which he had just entered. He looked down at her, and she was struck by the blank nature of his gaze. She assumed he was still under simulation.
He strode forward, and to Rae's surprise, he knelt before her and grasped her small hand in his large one. Rae may have found comfort in this gesture, if only she wasn't where she was. If only his gaze weren't so empty.
Where am I again? She tried to ask herself as she was pulled into Eric's strong arms. Normally, she may have found comfort here. Yet, today was different. Today, Jeanine had something to do with what she was seeing. However, she could feel Eric's arms around her. Whether it was real or fake only mattered a little to her. She leaned into the warmth of his body, taking a deep breath. As she exhaled, she realized that the scent of him was not the same. Instead, the smell of cleaning alcohol filled her nostrils. Much too clean and full of harsh chemicals to be Eric. Moments later, sim-Eric pulled back from their embrace.
"What's wrong, little one?" He asked, concern filling his inescapable blue eyes.
She wished she could believe this.
"You, Eric." She stated simply.
His reaction was typical. He pulled away from her in surprise. Grabbing her cheek, a little too forcefully for Rae's taste, Eric looked her right in the eye.
"What do you mean?"
"I never thought I would be afraid of you." Her honest answer came from her lips freely, even though she knew this wasn't real. She knew that Jeanine was probably finding a sick amount of amusement in her pain.
"You don't have to be afraid of me. You know I'll always protect you. I always have." His blue eyes were locked on her, but they weren't seeing her.
"Can you protect me from yourself?" She pleaded up into those blue eyes. Although she knew this was a simulation, she wished more than anything that he was really here.
She watched as Eric's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He pulled her closer. Roughly... too rough. Although Eric was a feared and volatile man, he was never that way with her. He would havep rather died than hurt her, and Rae knew it.
"Eric..." she murmured, daring to reach up and stroke his cheekbone. It didn't matter to her if this wasn't real. She wanted to touch him all the same. He did not pause before responding.
"We have to go." His voice was flat, but insistent. He pulled away from her and began to undo her restraints.
"I can't go with you."
"Don't be childish, Rae."
Childish. She had never heard Eric say that word. He would have told her to quit being stupid and get her ass up. It was Jeanine, speaking through her husbands perfect, full lips.
Fresh fury surged through Rae's veins. She had known all along that this was all just a twisted version of a nightmare, but the fact that Jeanine had the audacity to put such little effort into making Eric seem real infuriated her. Jeanine had stolen everything from him, and was stealing everything from her, too.
Eric was pulling her toward the door now, but she planted her feet. He turned, irritation written plainly across his perfect features.
"Rae. We need to go now."
"I'm not going anywhere with you, Jeanine."
Eric's eyes widened.
"What is the matter with you?" Eric demanded.
Rae turned. Simulation-Jeanine has been sitting in the corner all along, uncharacteristically quiet during the exchange. She walked right up to the blonde woman in the blue dress and delivered a right hook straight to her eye.
There was no impact. No sharp thud of fist meeting flesh. Only bright white light shining through her closed eyelids.
"That was pathetic." Rae spat at Jeanine without opening her eyes.
"That was just a test run, Auraelia. Again please."
Rae's eyes snapped open. She had no time to react as the Erudite beside her bed drive another needle into her neck. She groaned as she felt herself pulled again toward the darkest corners of her mind. Her head rolled to the side and she saw Sam standing there with his arms folded across his chest. His expression was unreadable, but somewhere in his eyes she imagines that she saw sadness. And regret.
***
Rae lay on the stiff mattress, unmoving. She stared up at the white ceiling, imagining what the seconds, minutes and hours would sound like as they rushed by. Time was such a strange thing. One moment you can feel as if there's too much of it, and in the next moment there's not enough. Time probably passes silently for a reason. If it made a sound it would probably be unpleasant. A constant screaming reminder of the moments that were wasted, taken for granted, stolen away or lost. A raging celebration of the moments that were precious, intimate and full. It would probably be too loud for a person's ears to handle, and we would crumble under the pressure.
In between her strange thoughts were flashes of terror. Needles assaulting her neck. Her father's fists rushing toward her. A crowd of surgeons gathered around her, looking down at her through masked faces as they brandished scalpels in their gloved fingers. Spiders. Eric's shocked and hurt face as he falls. He falls as she watched helplessly from a rooftop, careening fatally to the depths below.
"Stop!" She croaked hoarsely at herself, slamming her fists to her temples. She wasn't in the Simulation anymore. They weren't real. They weren't real. They weren't real.
She heard the door of her cell open. Opening her eyes reluctantly, she saw a new but vaguely familiar face dressed in black. A memory flashed through her mind.
She was headed toward the tattoo shop. Just a few yards from it, a young man bumped her arm. Surprised, she paused a moment. She recognized him as one of the initiates, and wondered vaguely if he would still be here at the end of the day.
"'Scuse me Mrs. Eric." He nodded, making her laugh as she continued on her way.
This was one Eric's initiates. She wondered if he was under simulation too.
"I know you." She said, her voice still gravelly from her screaming the night before.
"Mrs. Eric." He nodded almost mockingly before he grabbed her arm, tugging her roughly from the bed. "Jeanine is ready for you now."
"What's your name?" She asked blankly as he half dragged her from her cell.
"Does it matter?" He asked, looking down at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"No. It doesn't matter at all." She stated, her eyes unable to lift from the floor. There was a few minutes of silence before they reached their destination. Before she was shoved through the door, the boy answered.
"Peter."
***
Rae was utterly exhausted. The simulation experiments she was subject to today toyed with her mind. She had trouble drawing the line between reality and hell. She was unsure of when she was awake or passed out from sheer exhaustion or living out things she didn't even know she was afraid of. Nightmares plagued her waking mind and vice versa. Jeanine had kept her strapped to this table all day, at least 10 hours judging by the clock on the wall. Her neck was riddled with needle marks, a series of red dots along her veins. There was no strength left in her body to fight against the injections anymore.
***
She didn't know how long it had been. Hours? Maybe a few days? Surely not a week. The idea of time screaming against her eardrums made her uncomfortable. She could hear it now. The ticking of the last moments of her life passing. They were anything but silent. They tore through her mind, scratching at the inside of her skull until it drove her mad.
"There is only one usable vein in her neck, ma'am." The Erudite beside her spoke quietly, fearfully. "We have to let these heal before we proceed with any more procedures."
Jeanine turned to glare at the woman, then turned her calculating eyes to Rae. Rae met her gaze, her own eyes burning with the fury that could not die in this woman's presence no matter how close to death she was.
"There will be a whole new batch of Divergents coming in tonight. If her veins are spent, she is of no further use to me. Dispose of her."
The command was given as if it was a mother telling her child to empty out the trash. She watched as the Erudite looked from Jeanine to Rae, then turned her attention to the small metal tray she had positioned next to her. She began readying a serum that was purple in color.
Her eyes darted, panicked, around the room. Her gaze met one unfamiliar face after another until she spotted Sam. He stood right next to her, beside the Erudite that was preparing the serum she was bout to shove in to the last usable place in her neck. His eyes looked pointedly in to hers, but she didn't know why.
Panic consumed her and she thrashed wildly. Whipping her head from side to side she thought of all the words she wanted to hurl at this Erudite woman commanding her life. All the words she wanted to use became mixed together, and the only sound that erupted from her tired lungs was a scream.
Rae's scream tore the room open. It wasn't a sound of fear, or panic or frustration. There was nothing but rage coming out of her abused throat, and she hurled every ounce of it at Jeanine. When her breath was spent, she inhaled and unleashed another violent and infuriated blow to the calm quiet of the room. It was then that the sharp bite of the needle tore through her skin.
She continued her vocal assault on Jeanine until her lungs felt like lead, and her eyes cemented shut.
***
I hope everyone is having an awesome Father's Day! We celebrated yesterday, so today I let the hubby sleep until noon, ordered breakfast when he got up, now I'm finishing the laundry and cleaning and trying to decide what to make for dinner! Kiddos are being adorable little demons, and the pets are being extra lazy. I guess I couldn't ask for much more!

I also hope you enjoy this book. I can't thank you all enough for sticking by through this book and for all your votes, comments and messages! I may never have finished without that support! Sadly, there is only one, possibly two chapters remaining in this story. I hope you still love it at the end 🖤