Yo-ka x Kei (DIAURA)

Shouganai ne... (Part 3)

I stared deep into my cup avoiding yo-ka's eyes. This is too awkward, I don't how to express myself. I don't want anything to affect the band and the friendship we have had for so long.

"Kei." yo-ka said softly. I looked at his face, it was dead serious. Almost frightening.

"Stop looking at me like that, I'm thinking what I should say!"

"Just tell me what you're thinking!"

"Fine!" I sighed before I continued. "Yo-ka you are my bandmate and my friend, I don't want anything to ruin our band or our friendship. We can't do this. This will only get complicated and messy."

Yo-ka was silent for long while. He didn't look angry, he looked a bit disappointed. "Shouganai ne..." (It can not be helped)

Now it was yo-ka's turn to avoid my eyes. I felt really bad, it's like my heart broke seeing yo-ka like this. But we can't be together. There's no way. We can't tell what will happen if we do this. And we're both guys.

Oh my god... I just realized something. I talk like I want to be together with him but that it won't work out. Does this mean I have feelings for him? If anyone else would've confessed for me I would've almost immediately turned them down.

I looked closely at yo-ka trying to figure out my feelings for him. Observing every feature of his face. His skin looked so smooth, I almost wanted to touch it to check. His hair was a little ruffled but it looked good on him. His eyes were beautiful. His lips were-

"I should probably go." Yo-ka stood up and walked towards the door. I followed him and watched him take his bag and put on his shoes.

I wonder if I should say something. These thoughts about him are starting to bother me. Do I really like yo-ka?

"I'll see you tomorrow for practice." He turned around and tried to smile a bit. He said goodbye and went.

I stood infront of the door for 10 minutes and thought, how will I be able to act normal after this? I sighed out loud and went to sit in my sofa. Without knowing what else to do I took my guitar and started composing a new song.

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It was already the next day and I had barely slept. It was hard to keep my eyes open but I've gotten used to being this tired so it wasn't that bad.

We were all going to meet and practice for our next live. I was the first one to arrive, I looked at my watch and noticed that I had come 20 minutes too early. How did that happen? Did I walk faster than usual or did I set my alarm wrong? I took a seat while I waited for the others.

I spent most of the time waiting on my phone. I sent a few tweets and started reading the fans replies. They're fun to read sometimes. Some are really weird though. I also notice some English replies and tap the "translate" button because I'm curious what they were saying. But most of the time the translations don't make any sense at all. Not being able to read you're fans comments sucks.

I hear the door opening and see Shoya coming in. We both said good morning to each other.

"Wow you look tired. Are you alright man?" asked Shoya.

"I'm fine, just had one  of those weird nights where I can't fall asleep." I lied.

Shoya's phone vibrated. He apologized while he took it out and checked his messages.

"Looks like yo-ka's going to be late. The train he's on is having difficulties. He said we could start practice without him until he comes." said Shoya.

"Oh ok." I replied.

"Good morning!" Tatsuya enters the room. Shoya and I replied good morning back to him in unison. "Is yo-ka here yet?"

"No he's going to be late." Shoya said.

"We can start without him until he's here." I added.

We prepared everything and started to practice. While I played I thought about how I should act when yo-ka comes. I should try to act like nothing happened but I don't know if I can do that.

I've got to tell him. I should tell him.

I'm going to tell yo-ka I love him.