Their Light

Special Chapter - Peter, age 18 Part 1

**Trigger warning - thoughts of suicide**

Peter, age 18

One step.

One step. That's all it would take.

Moonlight reflected on the surface of the river. It rushed below me as if late for an appointment. The water churned, hitting rocks as it surged on its way. Sounds of the night surrounded me, the river, owls in the distance, the rustling of leaves, the creaking of the bridge.

The cold metal seeped through my torn clothes. They weren't torn an hour ago. The frigid night air was soothing against my wounds. I pushed the pain back, just as I had my entire life.

This section of the bridge was dangerous. The railing had broken away here. You could just step off.

I had thought about this bridge a lot in the past few weeks. It was only a short walk from my house. I passed it all the time. Every time I saw it, I had the same thoughts. I couldn't stop them.

Today was a horrible day. I graduated from the academy. Father put on a pleasant face for the public, but when we got home, he made it clear what he thought of me.

I wasn't first in my class, and that was a personal wrong against the family. It would tarnish the Byrd name. I had smiled at too many people. That showed weakness. I was weak.

A sob ripped through my throat, remembering. I had to get out of that house, but I couldn't leave. I couldn't take it anymore. My feet shuffled closer to the edge.

Maybe my siblings could make him happy. I would never be able to, and I was tired of trying. I was so tired.

"Whoa, watch your step there." I jumped at the voice that came out of nowhere. Before I could turn, a warm arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me back from the edge. Steeling my face, I shrugged the arm off, taking a step away from him.

"I don't need your help." Help made you weak. There was nothing worse than weakness.

"Oh, but I need yours," he said, a bright smile filling his face. His uniform marked him in the year below mine. "See, I'm kind of lost. I could really use some help to make it back before it gets too late."

"The center of town is that way." I pointed down the bridge. He should be able to find it from there. I could feel the wetness on my face, but I forced myself not to wipe at it. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice in the low light.

"I'm terrible with directions," he said, coming up beside me again. He threw his arm over my shoulders. "Why don't you walk with me?"

"If you can't even follow simple directions, how can you expect to be a decent Kustos?" I asked, immediately cringing as I repeated His words. The light I had seen in the younger Kustos eyes dimmed. I hated myself.

"Still, I had a few questions," he rambled on. "You know, I would love to get some advice from a senior Kustos."

I sighed and rubbed a hand down my face. "Fine, where are you going?"

"Just to town square, I can find my way home from there," he said.

We started walking side by side, away from the bridge. I would be back. This was just a slight detour. One last good thing to do.