i can talk here? crazy.

old habits, die hard

The Lord
answers me in
my time of desperation
and despair.

He needs to work
you out of me.
how crazy is that?

time has flown
but it appears it's
barely made a dent
in what you've built
in me.

my love for you
i haven't abandoned.
i don't know how.
sometimes i still
wow you were around.

even in my misery
and yours
i still long for you.
why?
why?
why do i still care?
why do i love you?
why did i waste so much
of my life with you?
what did i see you
then that i don't see
now?
what love do i still
have for you?

your goofy laugh.
the way your jaw would
drop at a surprise or
insult.
i copy that now.
how you were amazed
by my scientific knowledge
yet envious of me for chasing
after what you couldn't seek.
i guess i miss your touch.
your lips.
how we'd laugh as if
we were it.
i miss your company.
not sure why?
your negativity often
affected my energy.
i miss how you were patient
with my terrible cooking.
how is catch you looking at me
as i changed clothes.

is that all i really miss about you?
i miss the terrible things about you!
why?
why do i miss the way you'd treat me.
to think that while i was out influencing others lives
you were taking the light from my eyes.
sleeping with who knows.
going to car shows
never coming home.
i hate that i miss the worst parts about you
but i guess i never really got the best from you
anyway.

i miss how naughty we used to be
without me considering
the consequences id be facing.
without the thoughts of going against God
chasing me.

i miss how we'd trash talk others
when we were really no better.
i miss how awful we were together.
how awful to seek that in one another.

looks like your worse than nicotine.
an addiction i'm going to miss
but i find it fleeting.

well that's enough of
day dreaming.