If I die

Blood

A/n: I am not a completely fine person pretending to know what it's like to have depression. I have several mental illnesses and yes depression is one of them. I know what I can be triggered by and this is not one of them.
If I do get triggered at any time while writing this is will discontinue the story. Thanks x
Phil-
After two hours of rolling around my bed I finally give up on trying to get back to sleep and I get up to have a shower.
What's the point of getting clean if you are just going to get dirty again? I lock the bathroom door as thoughts about all the ways I can die in this room come rushing through my head. No, not yet.
I turn on the water leaving it time to get hot as I strip down. I stare at myself in the mirror for a moment pondering.
This is me. This is my body. If I lift my arm up, that's me doing that.
I hate it.
I scavenge through our bathroom draws until I find one of my carefully placed blades.
I step in the hot running water and let it run down my scared body.
I look at my thighs. They are more red than white, or whatever colour my skin is. There is no more room on my thighs so I decide to move up to my wrists. I put the blade up to my left wrist and slide it across quickly.

"One for my uselessness." I mutter as the red liquid starts to seep out of my wrist.

I move the blade down a little bit and slide it even faster and deeper making the blood come out faster.

"One for my dumbness"

I being it down again and slice two.

"Two because no one loves me."

I bring the blade down, again, and slice it five more times, being careful to go deep but not enough to die.

"F-five because I'm in love with my best friend."

At this point I go crazy. Slicing and slicing my wrists open, letting the blood ooze down my wrists and slowly drip onto the ground.
I finally stop by the twentieth cut. I move my wrist into the water, even though it stings a lot. I deserve it.
I clean myself and get out, remembering to place the blade carefully behind the 'ladies box' for when woman stay over.
I slowly walk back to my room, making sure I don't walk into Dan.