Lovesick Fool (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 16 - The truth (part 1)

(I want to apologize for any mistakes, I'm writing on the phone and I might type some things wrong; but I hope I won't! xx)
(Also, you should listen to Seafret - Be There and Seafret - Atlantis while reading, I think they fit very well with the chapter and somehow with the whole story ahead ;) )

I could feel the blood rushing through my veins and pumping in my ears as Harry drew his hand off my shoulder and back to the cup of tea. He stared into the sweet, crimson colored liquid like there was something at the bottom of that mug and he wanted to find out what it was. His smile turned into a frown and I knew that this day was far from being over.
"I know." he breathed out like the words hung from his chest for a long time.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
What is there to know? And why is it so important? I'm guessing it's about me, otherwise he wouldn't tell me, right? He takes his time answering and I feel like going out of my minds for the tenth time today.
"About your...your past." He looks into my eyes by now and it's taking me a moment to figure out what he is referring to.
My heart feels like it's going to make a hole in my chest and run down the streets straight into the ocean and bury itself in the sand. How the hell can he know? I didn't tell any of his...oh no. My breathing almost stops when I realize who told him. It was Jess. The only person I ever trusted enough to tell about my past goes and rats me out to the boy that seems to hate me. What is going on with everybody? I feel like I've been living in some sort of bubble and now that's popped and the entire world is crashing down on me; I'm being buried in my own thoughts and fears and never in my life have I thought a horrible day like this lies ahead.
The thing is, I didn't have many friends back home because until a few months before I left for college I seemed to be in a...situation, let's call it a situation. I endured for three years; three years I fought and fought and finally it seemed like coming back to the surface after spending a lifetime under the water. I started getting better, medication slowly stopped and my family's faces were now holding genuine smiles. College was the start of a new life for me and up until a couple of days ago, things were going great, I felt happy, I felt like life was going OK.
I'm not sure how I feel now, to be honest, after the storm, because I haven't even had time to think about everything and put my thoughts in order; I need some clearance.
I shouldn't even be here, with Harry now; it just weighs me down, I have even more to think about and I need so many answers from him. I should demand answers. I don't like being this psychically challenged that it makes me dizzy; Harry seems to have this effect on me.
I'm pretty sure that when I'll have time to reflect on everything I will mentally knock myself out for being stupid enough to stay with Harry after all this mess. But this rises another problem in my head: would I be OK on my own right now? I'm a complete wreck and I would probably get worse if I locked myself in a room with all of the things that are going through my mind.
Noticing me as I drift away in my sea of thoughts, Harry attempts to pull me back out and speaks again.
"Jess told me." He tells me slowly, waiting for my reaction; I have none whatsoever.
In what possible way could or should I react? I am perplexed as soon as the words fall from his lips but I don't show it.
"I wish I wouldn't have to drop this on you but I want to tell you about Liam." He squeezes one of my hands under his warm, soft ones but I pull away, Liam's name makes me flinch; his lips part wanting to let the river of words out but he stops to give me a little time.
I don't speak, I don't feel like it. I want to let him talk, maybe he will answer some of my questions without me even asking them. I desperately need answers, this is much more than I can take, much more than I can handle.
"When I started seeing you two going out I thought you were both so cute and romantic to each other it made me sick," he tries to smile and make it funny, earning no reaction from me, "so I just laughed it off and moved on. But then I heard rumours. Kat hangs out with Melissa and Zayn and I hang out with them so I know what they know. A month or so in your relationship, Kat started joking, or so I thought, about him just playing with you. She said it was just a game to get you into bed, because you were a virgin and he thought it would be fun." He continues and I blush at the mention of the word.
Yes, so much time spent trying to fix myself and fight my situation has kept me from dating anyone. I only had two boyfriends before Liam and I was too young for anything at that time. I'm mentally high-fiving myself right now for not letting Liam go any further than he did, otherwise I don't know what would have happened. I can't imagine things getting worse than this.
"I know you probably always thought I hated you but I still thought he was a little out of it, you haven't done anything wrong," he tells me and my heart wants to break out of my chest again; I think he just admitted he hates me, "so I wanted to do something about it, come between you two. But since you wouldn't even look at me, I went to your friend: Jess. When she heard the story she was petrified, you know, she really cares for you."
Yes, of course she does, that's why she told you the only thing I begged her to keep a secret; what a lovely friend she is.
Why do I have doubts about this story? Harry doing something so nice even though he hated me? Maybe he just wanted to get back at Liam and made up the whole thing so he could break us up and feel better; even though the situation actually led to me and Liam breaking up, pure luck.
"There was only one problem: when I told her what I should do, she just said it's none of my business, that I don't know anything about you and I should just back off."
Well, that's one thing she got right.
"But that only made me angrier and more determined so she told me about your past," he stops for a second, letting out a loud sigh and taking a sip of his tea, "about what you've been through in an attempt to stop me and I felt sorry for you."
When I hear that word I almost slap him but I can't find the strenght to do it; this is why I don't tell anyone, the feeling of pity disgusts me and it makes me feel worthless, powerless.
"I meant to warn you about Liam but Jess kept saying that you were happy and I shouldn't ruin that for you just because someone spoke ill of Liam. So I did. I let it go and I knew it! I knew he was up to no good, look what he did to you." He tucks my hair behind my ear and a few tears escape my eyes.
He's so tender to me even if a few moments ago he admitted to hating me. But I still can't find the words to speak, my tongue has gone silent, my own subconscious is probably trying to stop me from saying anything stupid. What could I say, anyway? I feel like screaming and laughing and crying and swearing and dancing, all at the same time.
Harry watches me carefully, taking in my reaction; he looks scared, he doesn't know what to do. I think he's just happy he was right about Liam. Is that why he made me stay the night, so he could throw it in my face? Is he playing a game on me too, wants to make me feel stupid again? I wonder if he enjoyed seeing me broken and something tells me he did.
"I have to go." I manage to say, swallowing my tears and lifting myself from the swing.
Once on my feet, I feel like everything is spinning around me and Harry grabs me from behind, placing his large hands on my hips to steady me and I hate how comforting that feels.
"Rose, please, you can't go like this." He whispers and I want to cuddle into his chest and sleep; it looks so cozy.
But I know how wrong that is. What if he's right? I'm not sure I can even reach the door, let alone walking to the dorms.
"This is too much for me, Harry, I have to many unanswered questions." I sigh and he grabs my hands.
I hate how vulnerable I feel in front of the guy I thought I hated a few weeks before.
"Then find answers for them, I'll help." He offers.
No, he is being too nice to me. Something is so off here and I'm sure it will blow up in my face but what are my choices now anyway? He will answer my questions, or so he claims, and maybe I'll get some clarity before I break down again; at least I'll be able to put the puzzle pieces back in order to see the bigger picture.
I don't bother walking back to the swing so I sit down on the grass and he follows; it's cold but it tickles my senses and keeps them alive so I don't mind it. I can smell the winter in the air and I can't help but think that this seems to be the worst December I have ever had.
"What's going on with your parents?" I find myself asking.
The words leave my mouth long before I can think of it and this is definitely not the first thing I wanted to ask him and I start regretting it the next second but I stop myself; I don't care if he likes this or not, I need so many answers.
His eyes turn almost black from the darkness that surrounds us and the anger inside of him as his hands turn into fists and he frowns at me.
"Rose," he tries to warn me in a low voice but it doesn't scare me, "you don't wanna go there."
"Oh, but I do." I almost smile at him and he tenses from head to toe; I'm starting to enjoy seeing him like this.

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Hey guys, new chapteeeeer!
I really hope you like it so don't forget to VOTE & COMMENT, it means so much to me! What do you think will happen next? :DD

As I said, tonight I leave town for holidays and hopefully I will write while getting a tan because I can't seem to stop! I can't promise anything but I'll try to post Tuesday or Wednesday; if not, on Friday!

Love you. xx