Love, lust and crazy

Letter n°1

I pushed everything aside . I pulled the sheets over my head , nothing but taking a long break was on my mind . Of course , i spent the next two hours thinking about life like a worried mother of six in some third world country , but i was really worried. Mia is gone and she left behind her a way of pulling me out of sadness and help me through life like always and i was disable of sensing  her sadness when she was at the bottom of depression . What kind of friends am I ? The selfish . Busy in college and deeply into a hot piece of meat , but you can't blame him for being hot after all . I cried myself to sleep holding my dear friend these days : the pillow .  

After a long night of suffering , i decided to break free from my bed in the early morning. I turned and saw the little black box and once again a chaine of thoughts grew inside of my head . I ignored every sound from my inside and got up to have a long shower . Who said forgetting was really easy ? I guess i'll start drugs -BAD IDEA,I KNOW IT -

I kissed my boyfriend goodmorning as i made my way into his SUV . I was wearing a tight black jacket , with a white shirt beneath it and a tight bleached jeans . Hot as ever , Joseph has that blue sweater that brought his eyes in an incredible way and his locks of hair were freshly washed and half wet , now that turned me on like crazy . I decided to keep the misterious box a secret , at the end this still a "Best friends thing". The ride to the school was quiet , mainly we talked about tonight date to celebrate my coming back too school thing , i couldn't say that i am not for a mood for a date , i love him so much to do that plus he is a really control freak and he wouldn't take it good , since he is stubborn as much as i am . 

Focusing on today lessons was an impossible mission . I was writing it all absent mindly , but at least i assisted . I guess i will be alright , time is a great medecine . Nothing but Mia and the song SEE YOU AGAIN by wiz khalifa was on my mind . The bond will never be broken because she left me something beside her big place in my heart , and in the first time that day , i felt good about the box . 

The place where Joe took me was incredible as ever , but i was really stressed about the box that waited my discovery back at home , which made this conversation started ;

" you are flying away from me again Serena ?" His eyes were now dark and dangerous .

" Sorry , you said what ?" I was really flying away .

" you know i am losing you , right ?" Now he was clearly mad , and that pissed me of . Why would he be mad at me .

I felt that he doesn't understand my situation .

" YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT . DON'T YOU ?? " 

" HEY , YOU DON'T NEED TO MAKE A SCENE NOW . WE ALL KNOW HOW TO YELL . IT'S FUCKING PRIMAIRE."

"WELL, DAMMIT . I AM PRIMAIRE FOR BEING HURT . FOR THE FUCK SAKE GOODBYE . I thought you understanded , AND YOU KNOW WHAT ? DON'T YOU DARE TEACH ME MANNERS ."

My heart broke with each word , i collected my purse and made my way out of the pissing off room . I made two steps , when a hand pulled me with violence to make my head hit a hard chest coverd in blue . 

" I do understand Miles . Fuck , don't cry because of me now ."

" Not ...y..ou " I said from inside my succesive tears . He hugged me tighly and kissed the top of my head . " I love you ." He said quietly .

"Same here Roberts ." i said slightly smiling.

" Here she is my one hell of a girl ." , and then he kissed me sweetly .

I arrived home at eight , my father opened the door for me and he pulled me into a bear hug . I missed him so much this passed days . We had dinner as four , just like the old days . We talked about all and nothing . Oscar was really making a big deal out of his role at the school play , and we had so much fun listening to him expressing his over the top happiness . I sat on the big couch , watching an episode from " Gossip Girl " maybe for the tenth time , but addiction is really hard . My mother is considering taking me to a rehab because of my big love for the show , please , i have got to love it , there is my name on it . 

After a good family time that i began to reconnect with lately , i was once again infront of the pink door to my room, i made a mind note to make this door shades of gray it will be more presentable this way . I cuddeled my pillow in my bed wearing a boxer and a red t-shirt . The argument with Joe today really made me sad , also it made me realize how much i love him . I already lost Mia and losing someone else in a way or in another will be devestating and i will not make it through . I am confused. Am i making his days blue ? I must be . How much more will he take ? Will the famous Mr.Roberts take a sad girl like what i am close to his heart any further ? 

Maybe i passed an hour lost in my questions , before my phone message ring pulled me outside my bizzare habit .

( I really want us to be good . I am sorry .)

Joe and I must really be connecting through the distance , his text made me grin like a stupid little girl , but then he always have this effect on me . I somehow like it , so i replayed : ( You put a stupid grin on my face Mr.Roberts .)

He replayed in three exact minutes , ( God forbbides , but are you calling my girl stupid .)

( Can you be any cute Joe?)

( I can be way beyond cute , it's called sexy .)

( Oh , i am dead by your remarkable modesty . )

( Tell me three words .)

( I am hungry .)

( God , and she claims , she reads Jane Austen .)

( I am deeply , madly and unconditionly in love with you . )

( Where is Serena . PS: I LOVE YOU "Shouting")

( I am beyond moon .)

( Goodnight babe .)

( Goodnight babe.)

I am so glad he doesn't call me BAE , God i hate it . I saw the box with the corner of my eye , and in a quick move i pulled it closer , holding out the first letter . There was a black paper underneath the pink wrapping paper . I took a long deep breath before opening it .

  Dear Serena ,

Almost 24h left untill my death .

It's with a heavy heart , and eyes full of tears that i am holding this pen and shaking in order to put these lines together . The life is a bitch , and unfortunaly not the one that you can slap , but life can slap you . It did in my case . Anyway , it's not me the big deal here . It's you . 

Family is all what we got , and you was somehow my family . I want you to discover one hell of quality inside you "Strenght". Don't roll your eyes at me girl . You are stronger then what you think and i know it better . It's true that you make it through high-school without bulling because of me , but at least you have always chose whom you want to talk to . I have never did , I was hypocrit , covering all my insecurities behind my golden locks of hair . You my dear showed me the real me .

So here's what you need to do . I want you to jump at any opportunity in front of a big crowed and to talk about yourself . Talk about anything , even me . Come on Serena , no more hiding. Make me proud baby and discover your strenght but more of that use this strenght to express your feelings , if they are inside you for a long while , you will lose people .

The Love for the soul .

The Lust for the life .

The crazyness , to make it a fun ride .

PS : Smile B****

XO XO MIA ( I know you want me to add gossip girl . Well , I am not .)