Love, lust and crazy

Distance

Days didn't let me count them . They were faster than light . Joe was now leaving tomorrow . Alone i will stay here , with a ring around my finger and a halo of love around my soul . Will life do to our love justice and keep it forever strong ? I know that life is different roads but ours will be one , it's the fresh morning breeze of air that holds his name and brushes my cheek that makes me certain .
The drogue for my pain , that's what Joe was to me . I would be still crying Mia's death instead of accepting it as life necessity if it was not for him . He was not the reason i exist , but he was my reason , the thing that keeps my mind in place , and my thoughts smooth and silky like his hair , a black velvet . One in a life time feelings , that's exactly what my heart was holding now .
Our last day together as a part of the same city was perfect , to perfect to let go . I was trying to hold my tears in front of Joe , but he was a great politician and for him it was easy to read into me like a widely opened letter .
We went to the same place where we first kiss , he told me that from all the places he visited in New York , that place was his favourite .
He repeated all day long that from New York to Chicago is only a short cut and that he will be here whenever i needed him . He was reassuring but i felt like loosing my only comfort source . I was now sensible to loosing anything . " it won't be for a long while ." I said to myself . It was only for a year , when i will be twenty , we will get married and i'll finish what's left from my studies there in Chicago . I need to be patient and to also believe in the strength of what Joe and i built together . In the end believers are always rewarded .
He left by eight in the evening and i got back home alone , the cab driver was telling me a story , i don't recall it well . It was maybe about a scary accident . I was lost in another galaxy and accidents were the last thing i wanted to hear about since Joe was on the road .
It was by eleven that my phone let a small symphony to announce a received message .
( I am home safe Serena . I'll sleep now baby , goodnight . )
( Goodnight hun . ;) )
I also called my day over and went to bed , my heart was heavy to carry it around , so having some rest was the obvious choice .

The next morning , i found myself making my way to the window . The brush of the morning on my cheek felt like Joe's morning kiss , something that i will be missing from now on . It's like cutting a habit , a sick obsession , it's hard even if it's just for a while .  I put on my hoody over my jeans , i was really in a bad mood . The tension's cloud over me was obvious even for my family , they tried their best in order to comfort me but in vain . I was carried away in another place unable to reconnect with my normal self . 

I didn't really know which power dragged me to school that day , but all i know that in front of the big entrée of the huge building i felt a bit dizzy remembering our first meeting . It was the best coincidense of my life even though i was bruised . At lunch time , Joe called me trying to let me feel how close he can be even with miles tearing us apart . His phone call was the sun rising in my day , it made me took glances at my ring and smile like a clown for so many times , Lilly was laughing like a sycho everytime she catches my behavior . 

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After two weeks suffering of  distance sickness , i was finally able to accept the idea that Joe will be away for a while and that living with it was not this hard when you believe that hearts cannot stay apart even if bodies do so . All i did was setting my heart free to meet Joe's across distance . 

The lasagna made by my father was so good that i found myself believing in the true existence of comfort food . Things that can hug your heart tightly and lead you through a road of warm feelings . I was about to sleep when a thought of the little black box flashed in my mind . It's been a long time since the last time i opened it . I hurried out of bed and straight to my dressing to bring Mia to life once more , her words were just what i needed now . 

There was only two letters unopened yet . I hoped Mia got the time at least to write more and more , even if i wanted her to be here instead of her lines , poor lines without the presence of the writer . I spent two more hours reading and re-reading the last three letters crying my best friend again . The sadness spread again in my heart , it was the first time i realised that sadness is exactly like the waves,  a process of end and rewind . It's like she died yesterday , and all of a sudden the world closed it curtains on my face and i was lost again in shadows .

The morning light made his way to reach the right part of my face , i opened my eyes next to the letters , i knew that i have cried myself to sleep that's why i felt so tired . It was while taking a long bath in order to feel a little bit better that i decided that the little black box with be for a long time closed . Because i knew that with finishing all the letters , the agony will find place in my life another time . 

It's funny how life put ahead of us unknown problems , and that everytime we got up on our knees after falling into one of the different holes in our road , we prepare ourselves to fall again . As much as i am paranoid with the future , I am ready to face it . Maybe after all these months my faith's wall grew solid and higher than all my fears . 

I wanted Mia to stay alive , since i hardly own a photo where she doesn't exist and a memory where she doesn't live . It's just that her death hited me across the face like a strong slap . It was suicide for God's sake . Somehow , i felt disappointed she was hiding things from me .