Love, lust and crazy

Burning my fears and hiting the third button

She made me feel dizzy but most of all i felt cared about and loved . It's the lust for the life what i touched in Mia's letters , she wanted to live but couldn't . Maybe the bell rang for her to be sent up to the skies . I felt blessed that i was on earth for a longer time , at least i will see my family much longer and i will enjoy every moment with the man of my life . I cherished all the old times when Mia was here and i still feel her presence now , this is the closest she had ever been .

Where will i be able to find a quiet , yet inspiring place to burn all of the dark hidden side if me ? I know one place were all my insecurities will come out , and i am sure it will be calm at the weekend . The highschool backyard is just so right .

The next days flew by in a fingers click . It was on the weekend that i decided that my mission should be complete , since Joe was going to visit his parents in chicago . He begged me to go with him but i felt embarassed to be introduced as his girlfriend in front of his family , a tipical Serena behaviour .

Saturday was a sunny beautiful day , so i thought that maybe visiting the high school right now will be a good idea and i can enjoy the weather and also write down what i have to let go . I put on my leggins, my large beige sweater and my boots . I was on my way to the place that will take the first place in my fears list .

Sneaking to the high school backyard was and still the easiest thing to do , when i was late on the old days this manner was my life savior . I took a seat at the closest bench and pull out my paper and pencil . It was magical , i went back over the past years recalling every single memory i lived in here . I never thought i'll be saying that but i truely missed this place. I have never believed them when they said highschool never dies but it don't and for me it didn't . All of the insecurities i dragged with me from highschool made my confidence weaker and weaker untill the point of non-existance . And there she came Mia Ducray lighting up my mind a bit and reminding me of the good times . I end up writing on the paper what i feared pulling it out from my soul deepest wholes .

- Mia's death .

- Alone .

- Veronica White told me i was too ugly to keep living , i believed her even though i was prettier .

- Marc Eli took me for a date only to film me after sleeping in his car .

- Liz said once that i was Mia's Duff and that i am really fat and ugly . I am really ten times better then her egg head.

- Once i thought that Joe could be my second Marc.

And the list went on recinting stupid things that made me feel sad for almost forever . When i finished writing , i cut the paper in a million pieces feeling the prison door opened and my soul out runing to the wildest places where she belongs. Mia wanted me to have a wild heart and here she is winning over me and my insecurities once again .

____________________________________________________________________________________

The sunday was a perfect day , a mother and daughter kind of days . We got new clothes and our hair done , but the horror movie that we watched was the best part since we were laughing instead of hiding with fear . I felt that i missed my mother during the past weeks . She reminded me that my birthay is on the next friday and i recalled Mia's gift this time with a big smile .
On the evening , i got my boyfriend's message informing me that he arrived safe and i will get his mother's gift for me the next day . I was happy yet i was shocked , the woman doesn't even know me and she is sending me a gift for my birthday . Woow, i mean Joe must have done a great job presenting me to his parents , or it is just their sympathy for my loss . Anyway i'll be more than positive about it .
____________________________________________________________________________________

Oh , the annoying monday came as ever , each weak i crawl from bed like a burning dead body . I put on my jeans , red coat and my flowry scarf that i really love , taking a blue burry muffin on the way and i was ready to jump into the car with Joe who couldn't resist another day without seeing me apparently .

The way to the college was really fun i recieved my gift swearing not to open it before friday . We talked about all and nothing being the special couple that we are . He asked me on dinner for the next day i said yes , how can i say no ? He is so convenient , an original politics student . It was raining when we parked , i don't know about you but i love the rain . I am obviously not one of the girls who hide under whatever roof in order to escape the rain . I am not even an umbrella in the bag kind of women . Joe insisted on me having his cap , i refused , but it was an unsuccessful move since he put it on my head without asking me once more and with ignoring my long speech about him getting sick replaying that he looked sexy . In fact he did with drops of rain falling from his silky hair and finding a heavenly resting area on his soft cheeks , to hit his black beard and sink in it without appearing again . He kissed me slowly in what seems like forever before letting me join my class , like every day with the words that keep every time dancing on the strings of my mind "I'll see you love " . He just make me hate letting his hands go .

____________________________________________________________________________________

I arrived home in a mess because of the pouring rain outside . Oscar really did make fun of me when i first came in . He was calling me weird names "Wet Dog " , and other stuffs like that , but i really had fun that day . Joe and I grabbed Kfc and ate our meal in the car with the rain around us . We were laughing so hard at the situation , but we were ourselves all the way and i felt that it was a young and a heart touching date .

I sinked in my pillows river , feeling happier then i was two days ago . Time is a miracle , the wordwide first heart-break medicine . The scars bleed but they stop , so did mine . Pulling out the letters from the black box is now easier , and i feel the mercurial removal of a heavy rock from upon my weak chest . Now , I know what i want to do . I am wondering but i am not lost . I have found my path and i do have my leader and also a huge support . All , i can say that i feel warm .

Dear you ,

So letter number three . You've come far brunette mate . I want you to know that as the letters grow more and more , i feel away from life but so close to you . Do you feel close to me too ?

Serena you burned high school bitches finally . You make me proud . Now , you are strong and with a free past . You can be better . How about sexy ??!!

Visit Venus as soon as you can , tell them my name and than think about how good i am at surprises .

The Love for the soul .

The Lust for the life .

The crazyness , to make it a fun ride .

Untill next time baby .