Gary&Ash Against The World

Johto - Chapter 11

Ash' POV ~

I kept looking at Gary's eyes, but whatever he was hiding for me he was hiding it well. I couldn't read his eyes, face, nor his body language as a whole. I don't know what he was thinking, what he was considering, if he was considering something at all.

Eventually I just pushed myself away from him. "You know what? Never mind. Come on Pikachu, we're going home." Pikachu didn't say anything but I saw that he was sad about leaving. Unfortunately for both of us, I can't stay around Gary for any longer if he keeps on doing this.

"Ash wait." I took one step back, placing my left foot next to my right. But I kept my back facing Gary.

Then I heard his footsteps coming closer. And the next thing I know I feel his arms wrapping around my body and I hear his voice an inch away. "Ashy, I want you to look at me."

After turning around in his arms and pushing him an arm-length away from me I looked up at his eyes again. And all of a sudden they were full with so much emotions that I still couldn't read him. But not because there was nothing to see, no. Now there's too much to see and everything got jumbled up.

He intentionally stared into my eyes when he told me something that I wasn't expecting, to say the least. "Ash, I'm really sorry to tell you this. I honestly thought I'd be fine with this boy dating boy thing. But when I noticed all those glances people give us when we walk around I realized I never fully came out to myself. Don't get me wrong, I really do love you and I really do want to fight for this, for us. But I have to get to terms with myself and you're the only one that can help me with that. Now Ash, tell me. Was I lying?"

He wasn't, I could tell. I know this boy better than anyone. And even though he's good at hiding emotions he still can't cover a lie. His eyes always give him away on that. And he knew that I knew. But if he really was telling the truth, then it means that he's letting the prejudgements get to him. Now I know he never admitted out loud that he's gay except for the times when he said he loved me. But that doesn't count in such a way, I guess. At least not for him.

Gary's POV ~

As soon as I asked Ash if I was telling him the truth his expression was full out giving away his thoughts. From doubting I was telling the truth, to figuring out if I could be lying. But I know him better than that and I know he can tell exactly when I'm lying. He knew I wasn't. Now all there's left for me is getting over the problems with myself and that's going to be hard, but with him by my side I know I can do it. "Ash, I love you. I really do."

Ash put his arms around my neck and snuggled his face into my shoulder. Softly he mumbled: "We'll get through this, together."

A few minutes later he stated a little clearer: "So... Do you have any idea how we're going to get rid of that anxiety of yours?" I shook my head. "No, not a clue."

"I think I got something." Before I could utter a single word his tender hands were placed on my jaw and his soft lips on my lips. I tried to push him away. "Don't. Let it happen. Just focus on me and what you feel for me. Ignore the rest of the world and whatever it may think."

After a single nod I closed my eyes and tried to visualize Ash in my head. I was solely focusing on him. I let all the love for him fill up my heart and gut, slowly drowning in it, until all the fear was droned out. And then, only then, for the first time since we were together how it felt to be a boy who's in love with another boy and not give a single shit about what the rest of the world thought of me.

Because it's not wrong to be gay, it's not a choice, it's not a lifestyle and it sure as hell ain't a disease. It's just who you are deep down in your heart. And no one should be afraid to show the world what hidden inside of you beneath your skin. For a single moment I even thought no one judged me anymore.

But as soon as Ash let go of me to look at me and I opened my eyes I saw all the people around standing still, observing the little scene Ash just put up. And the cold reality hit me face again, harder than ever. Like I was being punished for feeling free from fear for only a short span of time. And it's not fair.

"How'd that feel?" Such simple question sounded so kind from Ash' mouth that I couldn't help but smile at my lovely boyfriend. "That was amazing, until you let go." And my expression dropped into a somber one. Ash turned around and saw all the people staring at us, raising their brows.

"Shoo people! Never seen a boy kiss a boy before?! Geez... Come one Gary."

With that he took my hand and pulled me away from this place. I called after Eevee and Pikachu who had wandered of a little further but still within hearing range. Ash was stomping away in a very fast pace, faster than I'm used to from him. He huffed in annoyance. "God! What's wrong with these people?!"

I still had no idea where we were going. And I wasn't sure Ash knew so either. He just wanted to get away. And so did I. As far away as possible. And as long as I was with Ash I didn't care about the where and how. A destination suddenly seemed so insignificant, the road was just a guideline, the means of traveling just a kind of aid, but the traveling company would make it or break it.

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And that people are my wise words of the day. I finally found the will, strength and inspiration to finish this god dang chapter!! Yay! :D

Hope you're as happy with those 1000 words as I was when I finished it with a content sigh. I'm kind of happy this chapter is done and over with. I feel like I can start all over now. So I'm thinking about ending this "part" here. And start again when they are in a new region. They've had enough bullshit here for the time being and I kind of want to write about fun stuff again instead of continuously writing about these depressing struggles in my head. They are getting better though, thanks to you, my books, a fresh start at the university and an awesome boyfriend I'm slowly coming to terms with myself and who I am.

But please, let me know what you think... You want one more chapter to kind of wrap this up or just leave it like this and start fresh in a new region? And I need some ideas for problems they might face there.

This Author's Note is now almost 200 words too, so I'm going to end it here. I'd love to hear from you, anything at all. <3 Even if it's only to let me know you're still reading this. (^.^)

BeeBee out!