When you move to a complete other city, things change. Alot. I actually didn't know where to place myself. People act different, they even sound different.
I had a few moments where I really wanted to go back to my old place.. with dad. I don't feel like I belong here. People laugh at me, because I have this little accent. I really feel like an outsider. Nobody likes me, except my family, and even half of them act like it.. they actually don't but they have to pretend.
My pain got worse each and every single day. I also cut myself more and more. And although it was pretty clear it didn't go so well with me, nobody cared enough to notice it. And that is the worse part.. knowing that nobody gives a shit.
It makes you lose faith. In yourself, life even in others. You feel less emotions, mostly just pain.. you don't want to anymore. You lose interest and motivation. And there's nobody to help you, just because they don't care enough to notice. It's pretty simple actually.. its just hard to keep living with it and act like nothing is wrong.
Do you wanna know how I did it? You might not like it but it kinda worked for me.
When I feel like shit just a little more than I usually do, which happened to be almost 3 days a week. When I felt like I deserved pain for only exsisting... I just punished myself by cutting myself. Just plainly let that cool, sharp piece of metal create a very simple cut into my arm. So easy.. but oh so hard. It got more and they got deeper every day. But hey.. it kept me alive. For then.
~ next day~
When my parents got home today they had great news.. they bought a damn restaurant. I knew they were trying to buy one, but who knew they already got so far..?! Well well well... this is gonna be a very social thing then. Oh my god, I can't wait... ugh... more judgemental people to deal with. And my parents will probably get a standard crew of personel.. great, really great. I better finish myself right now. I'll probably think of something in a while, but first let's go with them and see what it's like, I'm kinda curious tho. So me, my 4 sisters, mom and her boyfriend got in a the car, off to that damn restaurant they got.
When we arrived I noticed it wasn't really big but also not super small. I looked around and it was in this weird kinda country style. Not really my thing... but okay. When they showed us around we got in the kitchen as the last. We saw the gigantic kitchen gear.. and then when I looked at this huge dishwasher my stepdad started talking.. " you and your oldest stepsister are gonna be the two helps for the dishes in the weekends... how nice... teamwork
