''hey kassie, sup?'' i heard a voice say. i turned around and saw my classmate alex. ''good, how about you?'' i asked him just to be nice. all he did was nod. then a little smile crept on his face. i dont know why. then someone tapped my shoulder. i turned around again and saw mia in front of me. she hugged me. i hugged her back. now i know why alex smiled.
when i just started here at school my classmates just thought i was weird. because i came from a very different part of the country. with a different kind of way of speaking. and when i started to get a place in that class (they were very close with eachoter) i met mia. she was a friend of most of the peopple in our class. she liked me.. because i was different and we kinda had the same alternitive style. we actually got pretty close. she is one of the small group of people i actually hang out with.
''kassie, can you please get out with me for a minute?'' ''uhm yeah sure mia, whats up?'' ''i just need to tell you something'' we walked outside. as we stepped trough the door her fake smile faded. the corners of her mouth twitched down. ''tell me'' i said to her sternly. ''i smoked, and had alot of alcohol last night.'' she told me. ''thats not that bad.. right?'' ''it wasnt just a ciggarette Kassie.. and it was 3 p.m.'' my jaw dropped to the ground. ''listen mia, i know you dont want to hear this. but that boyfriend of yours doesnt really have a really good influence on you. i bet you got the weed from him.'' she looked at the ground and nodded. '' just promise me to never do that again!'' she looked up at me and promised. i hugged her and we went back inside as the bell rang.
as the first period of the day ended and we had lunchbreak. i met mia at her locker. so we could have lunch togheter. we sat down at a long table. almost in the middle of the cafeteria on the first floor. as i set my bagpack on the floor and got my food out of it. i stroked my sleeves up. and when i realized that wasnt really a great idea i slided them down again. then my face turned red. but i guess it was too late. mia looked at me very angry. ''Dude!! what did you do?! you promised me remember?!!'' she kinda whispered but still yelled at me.
flashback.
after caleb left me like that. i rushed home and instantly ''showered''. we all know what that means. except for the people around me offcourse. i grabbed my bright pink box and grabbed the sharpest little razor out of it. i remember i stole this one from school after we cleaned up and desinfected everything. i shoved it off of the table into my bag. and as soon as i got the chance, in this case the bathroom at school. i slid the sharp shiny thing across all of the ugly fat on my thighs. as soon as i realized how sharp it actually was, i got the stupid idea to write words into my flesh. on one leg i wrote ''FAT'' in between all of the other cuts. and on the other one ''UGLY". i spended the whole lunchbreak in the bathroom that day. but now im gonna use it on my arms.. because i didappointed someone again, by putting them on the wrong trail of my age. and that i actually was so stupid to believe that he cared for a moment. this is the only thing i CAN do. i slid the cold metal over my wrist. i shivered and flinched in pain. i pushed my back to the cold wall and slowly sagged on the floor. as the water came over me, it hurted even more. i did it again and again. till the cuts were almost up to the crook of my elbow. but the cut just above my wrist, where my handpalm ended was very deep..''smart move, Kassie.'' i said to myself. as i grabbed the band-aid box i always had in a secret place in my room, and put a bandage on my arm.
end of flashback
''yeah, like you care.'' i snapped at her. she looked at me with wide eyes and a raised eyebrow. she flicked her hair behind her shoulder, shoved her chair away. looked at me again and opened her mouth to say: '' fuck you Kassie!'' just a few people looked at us, thank to god she didnt yell it that hard. i lost her... now im completely on my own.
i walked over to Rudy, our receptionist. she was a sweet old lady who was married to the concierge. i stepped to the window of glass that was opened. ''hello Rudy'' i smiled at her, a little forced. ''hey Kassie, are you alright?'' she asked me. ''you look a bit pale''. i nodded and told her i felt sick. she knew i wasnt lying, so she put it in the system. you can go home darling, but give me a call when you are home. i want to be sure that youre okay.'' she said to me. i nodded and smiled at her.
i went home as soon as i could. and when i arrived home i called Rudy, she told me to go get some sleep. and i did. after i showered, which included getting scars into my tighs which i will be seeing for the rest of my life.
