11:11 | Cameron Boyce Story

Thirteen

It's work again today. The same as every week. Except, today is different; my phone hasn't rung once, no tweets have been made by any of the cast, and everything feels weird.
I pull up in the parking lot and it's almost completely empty. The only car there is Peyton's black Porsche.
I must have the day wrong, I think to myself, it is Tuesday, right?
Gingerly, I head inside. All the lights are off but one in the corridor by the dressing rooms. After taking out my phone and turning on the flashlight, I make my way towards the corridor.
First I try Skai's door. There's no one there.
Then I open Debby's. We all usually hang out in here, but it's unoccupied.
Karan's room is also vacant, and there's no one in mine either.
The last room in the hallway is Cameron's, and he never lets anybody go inside.
I knock first, but there's no reply, so I take a shot at opening his door.
It's locked, inside and out, and the dressing room doors can only be locked by the managers and crew.
This means he can't be here, it means that no one's here.
I check my phone again as I start to panic. The date is definitely right and so is the time, I know I'm not early too.
"Bonnie."
I do a double take when I see Peyton standing at the end of the corridor.
"Peyton! Oh my god, I was so worried I got the date wrong and-" I run to her but she puts her hands out to stop me when I reach her.
She shakes her head, "You don't know? They didn't tell you, did they?"
Frowning, I scratch the back of my neck. This can't be good. The whole atmosphere just screams that this is going to be bad.
"There's no work today, Bonnie. Or ever again. We're all let off. It's the end. We've lost our jobs." Peyton explains angrily.
"What? What do you mean 'we've lost our jobs'? We were just filming yesterday?! I don't understand." My heartbeat is racing and my palms start to get clammy.
She chuckles softly, a few tears falling down her cheeks, "They really didn't tell you anything, huh?"
"Tell me what Peyton?!" I raise my voice a little.
She yells at me, crying hard now, "Cameron's dead, Bonnie! You fucking get that now?!"
I laugh. This is a prank. And it's not funny, "Nice one, guys. You can come out now. Very smart."
"You seriously think I'd lie to you about something like this? He's dead!" She emphasizes the next three words that make me want to be sick, "He killed himself."
I can't explain how I feel. There aren't any words. It feels like everything I ever had, I ever wanted, has been taken away from me.
I try to speak, but no words come out. I just collapse in a heap on the floor and cry my eyes out. What else is there to do? The boy I've loved since the day I met him is dead. He's gone forever. And I never even got to tell him.
"This is all my fault." I manage to say through sobs.
Peyton glares down at me, "You're right. It's all about you. If you hadn't asked him so much about Isabella he wouldn't have been so depressed! You killed him, Bonnie."
She storms away and leaves me on my own, bawling and fighting myself with suicidal thoughts I've never even imagined I'd think before.
Now it's my turn to know what he felt like for a while. But Cameron was like this every single day of his life. And it suddenly hits me that maybe death was the right decision for him.
Dragging my weak and tired body up, I go back to my car.
"Peyton's right," I think out loud, but nobody's here to listen to me, "It's all on me. If I had just pissed off, Isabella would have never been on his mind like she was."
Carelessly, I throw myself into my car and open my bag, getting out the one bottle of vodka I stole from Cameron when I was trying to save him, and I take a long swig, "If I had never loved him, he would still be alive."