What have you done to yourself Alice?

5

I opened my eyes, no idea where I was. I felt a constant sharp pain in my left arm, I looked down at it and it had a tube in it with some sort of liquid pumping through into my veins. I also had lots of wires clipped to me all over my body that was connected to a machine to my left.

I looked around, it was obvious where I was, I was lying in a hospital bed. My mind was too blury to take it all in as my brain was so malnourished. Just as I was about to fall back asleep someone walked through the door and stood in the doorway.

"Hello Alice, I'm Doctor Stone, is it alright if I sit on the end of your bed and have a little chat with you dear?"

She spoke very softly and slowly, which felt quite comforting.

"Um, sure.." I replied, slightly worried about what she was going to say.

She walked further into my room and lightly perched herself on the end of the bed, having to move some of the wires that were attached to me.

"Okay well, after your mother found you when you collapsed at home, she took you straight up to the hospital, where you are now, through a and e. Your mum explained to us that she is very worried because she noticed that you have been losing an awful lot of weight over the last few months and that this is probably why you ended up fainting. Your pulse and heart rate were very worrying and you were and still are, very malnourished so we needed to put a canular in you, that's that thing.."

She pointed to the tube in my arm. I nodded.

"The canular is there to ensure that you get some nutrition into you so that you feel better. Anyway, I just wanted to ask you a few questions, if that's okay with you?"

I nodded again.

She asked me numerous questions about my diet and exersize routine and I wanted to lie, but they would find out from my mum anyway, so I told them everything.

"Okay honey, this may be hard to here, but judging from your physical health and by your answers to these questions, I'm afraid you have an eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa..."

She put her hand on my knee in order to comfort me. She continued talking to me but it all blured out.

Me? An eating disorder. But I'm not even thin enough! I don't exercise enough, I can't have anorexia. I am not anorexic. I can't be.

My eyes filled up with tears, I tried to keep them in but I just couldn't, it was all too much, being in that place, hooked up to wires and tubes and this woman that I'd never met before telling me that I have this and that.

The tears escaped my eyes and the woman stopped talking and came closer to me and hugged me.

"It's okay hun, you're here now, and we'll help you. You'll be staying here for three weeks so we can make you less ill so you can go home."

I looked up at her and pushed her hand off my knee. I didn't want help, I wanted to get skinny, how dare she act as if she knew me.

"Okay, well I'll leave you to it, you have visiters coming soon."

She got up and went out of my room again.

I just sat there in shock for a while. Looking around the room, it was all surreal. I couldn't take it all in.