Fluorescent

//Part 13\\

Jack was my next problem. Was I going to leave him for his acts, or forgive him but tell him about the adoption crap.
I pulled my phone out and saw 23 messages and 11 missed calls from Jack.

F: Hey jack, this is Fluorescent. I really need to talk to you ASAP.

J: Oh thank god Fluor! I thought you would never talk to me! I'm sorry about last night, I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing until after it happened. Can we meet at the coffee shop in 15 minutes?

F: yeah, see you there.

I got up and put my hair up in a messy bun. I brushed my teeth and walked out the door.
The coffee shop wasn't far so I walked.
It was about 9:00am so I was still pretty tired.

The sidewalk was wet from the rain last night. The sky was a dark gray and clouds splattered it. The air was colder than the normal California sun, but I didn't mind. I've always like colder weather.

I can't shake the thought of me going to another adoption center. I mean, I knew that my family hated me, but I didn't think they hated me enough to get rid of me. And they know that I've been through hell! But do they give a flying shit? No!
It doesn't matter though, I hated them too.
They were really gonna try and call me Grace?! Grace!? It's a pretty name, but it's just not me.

BEEP
BEEP
BEEP!

The sound of a car horn shook me from my thoughts. I had wandered into the road while I was thinking.
I quickly moved out of the way and continued walking.
I could see the coffee shop in front of me.
I stopped and took a deep breath.

As I walked through the door an employee greeted me. I smiled and nodded. I searched for Jack for a second then saw him sitting in corner.
The exact spot where we sat the first time he brought me here. I guess he was trying to shake back old memories.
He noticed me then stood up. He walked over to me and embraced me in a huge bear hug.
I hesitated but hugged back.

"Fluorescent, I-I'm so sorry about last night!" He said in a quivered voice.

I could feel him shaking in my arms. He squeezed me tighter and then let go.
We sat down across from each other, and that's when I got a good look at him.

He had bags under his eyes and his face was pale. It looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep for days, but it had only been a night. The green in his eyes looked as though it had drained out. His lips were chapped and his every move was shaky.

"Fluorescent, I was drunk/High. I-I could control myself."

He looked up at me and his gaze fell to the puncture on my swollen cheek.
A wave of hurt fell over him. His eyes filled with tears as he reached his hand out.
I flinched a little as he ever so slightly placed his hand on my cheek.
I closed my eyes as he slowly rubbed his thumb over the wound.

"Fluor, you know I never meant to do this?" He said still holding my cheek.

"Then what did you mean to do?" I said as I push his hand away.

He sighs, "I don't know."

"You were trying to take my shirt off..." I say while I look down.

Silence.

"Jack, I don't think we should see each other anymore..." I say looking up.

I can see the pain in his eyes, as he's on the verge of tears.

He slowly nods while tears stream down his face, as well as mine.

He stands up and walks over to my side. He lightly pulls me up.
Our lips are are two inches away.
He leans in a little, thinking that he is going to kiss me I close my eyes.
Instead, he whispers

"I loved you..."

I feel his presence leave and the door from the shop open then close, signaling that he left.

I stood there, stunned.
He really did know how to play with my heart.
My eyes watered, but I wiped the tears before they could fall.

I took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly.

I walked out of the coffee shop and started to walk home.

As I walked, every moment just keep replaying in my head.

His hurt eyes crushed me.
His strong hands soft touch on my cheek.
He made me think that he was going to kiss me.
But he said, " I loved you."

Loved

Which meant he didn't love me anymore and that broke my heart.

When I finally reached the house I saw my parents car.
I sighed and walked in the house.
My "mom" was sitting at the table while my "dad" came over to me.

"Pack your stuff and get in the car." He said in a stern voice.

I went up stairs and grabbed my bag.
We walked up to the car and got in.
I put my headphones on and drifted away.

What doesn't kill you,
Makes you wish you were dead.
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper,
And can't take
One more moment of this silence,
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world is getting harder to hold up.
It comes in waves,
I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright,
Won't you drag the lake
And bring me home again.
Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm done.
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.

Before I knew it we pulled up to the adoption center.
A big sign on top of the building read, "Willow Springs Adoption Center."

We pulled into a parking spot.
I sighed and opened my door.