A Not So Perfect Life.

Shelly Finds Out.

Days had past. I had gotten bullied a few times over Fall Break. One was I was drowned obviously. Two I was tripped and fell in a fountain. And three I got a slushie poured all over me. Today was Wednesday and I was supposed to be going to the mall and spending the night with Shelly. Today I decided to curl my hair because I just wanted to do something fun with it. I put on a hot pink long sleeve shirt and long blue skinny jeans. I put on my flats, grabbed my bag, and left. I also put on some make up because I was way too insecure to wear none out in public.

*honk honk*

Yes! She was here. I ran to the front door. "Bye mom, I love you!" I yelled. "Bye," she said, I ran out and hopped in Shelly's car. "Hey, girlie!" she said joyfully. "Hey Shell," she said. "So, let's head to the mall," I said smiling at her. "We are on the same page, sista!" she said. We were chatting the whole ride there. It was easier for me to talk to her than to Nathan about my life and problems. She was a really cool person.I knew she would be my friend for a long time. When I told her I was kind of lying about not owning any crop tops or not knowing how to swim she didn't get that mad. She was a little shocked at first but she understood that sometimes people needed to lie, and that everyone did. 

We were there. "We're here, come on," she commanded. We both stepped out of the car. Then I had really been able to focus on what she was wearing. She was wearing a yellow blouse and blue skinny jeans with her hair straightened and no make up. She still looked gorgeous without it, unlike me. We walked beside eachother and walked towards the entrance of the mall. I didn't go to the mall that often. Mainly because I was afraid of being judged, but I have to admit, they did sell some really cute clothes at the mall. "What store do you want to go to first?" she asked. "Any one is fine," I said. "Maybe Hollister?( don't know if that's a real clothes store but whatever)" she said. I nodded in agreement.

We both walked side by side with our hips swaying, I know I was insecure, but today we looked HOT. I was kind of happy when I saw a few boys look at us and drool. They were probably drooling over Shelly though, not me. 

About five guys had hit on Shelly today as we were walking to Hollister. "Well, the guys obviously like you," I said. "Yeah, because I'm sexy," she teased. "Oh, right I forgot," I said rolling my eyes. We walked into Hollister. The close were fabulous. I didn't know which section to go to first. "Snap out of it, dude you look like you've never even been to a store before," she said. "Well I don't go to the mall that often," I said."Which is exactly the reason why I'm going to buy you tons of clothes today," she said. "Okay..." I said awkardly. She dragged me over to the shirts sections. She kept searching and searching through the shirts. I saw her pick one out. "Oooo this one's cute!" she said holding it up to her chest, "what do you think about this?" she asked me. "Um...I don't think I'm the person to ask, I don't know a lot about fashion," I said. "Hmm....Ill guess I'll just have to wait and see," she said. "I don't think I'm going to find anything I really like here," I admitted. "Oh please, we aren't even half way through our shopping trip, let's see, what color shirt do you like?" she asked. I wanted to tell her all of my favorite colors. But I paused myself. "Um...black," I said. "Black? Well what do they say, black matches everything," she said. "Short sleeve or long sleeve?" she asked. "Long sleeve," I said. "Are you sure? Oh well I guess that makes sense because it is fall currently and will be winter soon," she said. 

All of the sudden this guy who worked there came up to us. He was really hot. He had blonde dreamy hair. Blue eyes. He was tall and muscular. "Hey, you girls um looking for anything particular?" he asked. He was about our age. "Yes, you see my friend here is looking for a black long sleeve shirt," she said instantly. "Mhm...follow me," he commanded. He lead us to a section full of black clothing. Shelly left to go try on things in the changing room leaving the guy and me a lone. I began quietly searching for something to buy. He walked up to me. "So, are you also searching for a boyfriend?" he asked. Was he flirting. "Are you flirting with me," i asked him with a smile. "It can be whatever you want it to be," he said. "Excuse me, are you sure, I think your vision might be a little blury," I said. "No, I have perfect vision, I just find you attractive," he said. "Really, well then you're the first," I said blushing. "I'm sure I'm not," he said. "Well for a girl who gets called ugly at school every day, I don't think so," I said. "You get called ugly everyday? Hmm...well then those people probably don't have perfect vision," he said. "You're sweet, and I'd be happy to be your friend, and trust me your hot, but I don't know, I just don't feel like I'm ready for a relationship," I lied. I would love to have a relationship. But there was this weird feeling inside of me. Every single time I had spoken to this guy I had thought of Nathan. I have no idea why, but I was picturing his cute face. I was picturing what he would say or what he would do. "Please, just let me take you on one date," he said. I sighed. "Fine," I said. He wrote his number on this piece of paper and gave it to me. "Thanks," I said awkardly. Then as soon as he walked away Shelly came back." Finally, shelly, you're here, what took you so long?" I asked. "Long story, I don't have time to explain, did you get any clothes?" she asked. 

I had gotten some clothes. Some boots, shoes, pants, tops, makeup, and hair products. There was one thing they all had in common. They were all black. I just feel like that was the color that matched my character. We bought our clothes and left. "Want to go some place to eat?" she asked. I really didn't because of the whole insecure about my weight thing. But Shelly was such a good friend. I couldn't say no. Main I was really doing a lot of things for my friends now, weren't I? 

We got in line for jamba juice. I decided to get a really mini Razmataz smoothie. We sat down at our own little table in the back. "So... did anything exciting happen while I was in the dressing room?" she asked. "Well....maybe....I don't know," I said totally giving it away. "Ooo.. something did happen, tell me, and I would like details please," she said with her eyes looking beggingly. "Well...you know that guy who worked at Hollister?" I asked. "Uh-huh," she said smiling. 'Well when you left he said "Are you looking for a boyfriend at the moment," at first I rejected him, but then he gave me his number and apparently we are going on a date," I explained slowly. "Oh my gosh girl, congradulations, I can't believe you rejected him first, I would've said yes in a heart beat," she said. "Hehe well....you and are different, but I'm going on a date with him and that for sure," I said. "What's his name?" she asked. Her question paused me. My eyes started looking around the room nervously. "Um...you see that's the thing, I don't exactly know..." I said scratching my head. She chuckled. "Oh my gosh, so you're going out with a guy and you don't even know his name, damn girl," she said shaking her head teasingly. "Well I just never asked and he never said his name," I said. "Whatever," she said rolling her eyes.

"So why did you get all black things?" she asked curiously. "I don't know, I guess I just like the color," I lied. "Well like is it because it matches everything or what?" she asked. "It's just I like it," I said. After we were done with our smoothies we decided to shop for some more clothes and soon enough we were already in her car. I made the mistake of accidentally letting my sleeve fall during the car ride. Shelly looked over at me while we were at a red light. Her eyes widened. "What are those on your wrist?" she asked. Crap! Not again. I looked back in forth from my scars to her. "Um...what...these....um nothing," I said quickly pulling my sleeve yet. The light said go again. "Those were scars weren't they?" she asked. "Ugh what's the poin in lying, fine, they are scars from cutting," I admitted. "You know my older sister was bullied, she used to cut, thats probably why I recognized those as scars," she said. "Oh, I'm so sorry for your sister," I said. "It's okay, she recovered now," she said.

In no time we were at her house. Her house was flawless. It was a beautiful view. I went inside and explained the whole cutting issue to Shelly. After we got done watching a movie and brushing our teeth we hopped into her bed. She had a bun bed because her sister and her used to share them. I went on the top bunk. Wow. This is the first time I've gone a night without cutting myself. I feel a little better but I also feel like something missing. Ugh. Life is so compicated.