Dirk's Clusterfuck of Randomness |Rants|Updates|Random|

Blahh.

So, I really do not know if anybody reads this. It has sort of become my own virtual (albeit public) diary. I do not mind. I do not post things that are really personal, or things which can cause somebody to find out my personal infromation. Safety first.

School starts for me on Tuesday. I'm going into grade 11. These next few years...had better be awesome, because my experience with middle/high school so far has been...below average. Everybody says your teenage years are some of the greatest years of your life, right? Well, maybe that's not the case for me. It does not help that I left school for two years and was homeschooled. But my school situation before I moved to Alberta was very tough. And now I am finishing my last two years of school here, at a gigantic school with around 1600 students in grade 10-12. That's about 500 students per grade...and that sounds like a lot. But that also means there are plenty of opportunities for me to have a good time. And I do want to have a good memory of school, I do. I want to make friends that will stick with me even when I've got a family of my own, whether that includes dogs, cats, or babies. Maybe I will make an update thing on my stance on children sometime later.

But if anybody reads these updates...it would be nice to know. You know, to know if I am speaking to an audience, or just screaming into the void. :p

I've been in a weird mood for these last few weeks. It feels like I could be depressed again...but I'm not sad, you know? Like...the emptiness that comes with depression is still there, but...the grief and sadness is missing. Maybe this is just 'numb'. But I am by no means depressed. Or maybe I am...I do not know. I am cautious about sharing my mental issues on here because my family knows my Wattpad. But anybody who knows me personally knows that I do have on and off depression, and have had it for around three years now. It's a battle, definitely, but it has its highs and lows. And thankfully, for the last year, I've been more happy than sad. But the low points still exist.

I have music to help me.

Black Veil Brides.

Three Days Grace.

Fall Out Boy. (Sometimes.)

Blue Foundation. (All the time.)

And others.

So it helps me feel like I'm not alone. Music does the screaming for me. It helps me.