Healing

EPILOGUE - healing

And it's finally complete. Thank you for reading this story, for following these two and their journey. I hope you enjoyed it despite the mistakes, the wait and everything else.

Thank you.

I put the video for the song "The Apparition" by Sleep Token that has always reminded me of Acrophilia, and also made me want to get back to this story and finish it.

Bel, xx

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Two years later...

The clock on his desk just marks noon on Jinyoung's day off, so he reloads the website. He's done this so many times, but still he feels his stomach dropping and his heartbeat spiking every time he checks the results of any writing contest.

Since the first time he submitted his writing, he's constantly applied to others. Sometimes he's got third or second place, most of the time he hasn't got anything, but he's kept trying. He's kept writing, trying to get better. He's taken some courses with the money from the prizes while still working at the café, where he's now a manager.

The moment he became full-time and felt stable enough, Jinyoung moved out of his parents' house and into a small one-room, and that was the biggest step in his life. Also the most liberating one. Feeling so strong and stable as to live alone felt like a medal for all his progress.

Even if Jaebeom visited all the time.

"Are the results out already?" Jaebeom asks, rushing to his side from the kitchen that's just a few steps away in his small flat.

"Loading," Jinyoung replies, his right leg bouncing maniacally.

His boyfriend stands behind him, hands on his shoulders, squeezing tightly to give him support. Jinyoung scrolls through all the announcements, videos of thanks to sponsors and everything so he can finally get to the results. When he scrolls, the young man holds his breath because this is the biggest contest he's taken part in. This time they submitted a full novel and the first prize is a publishing deal. Second and third place get the experience of working with an editor to improve their manuscript.

Jinyoung sees the third place, which isn't his name. He continues scrolling, in a slightly bigger font is the second place and it's not his name.

He releases his breath and for a second he thinks of not even bothering to continue. He's never got anything better than second and this contest is the biggest and hardest; why this time?

His hand falls from the mouse, but Jaebeom grabs it and makes him continue. Together they scroll and finally they uncover the first place.

Park Jinyoung.

The young man stares at the screen and blinks at it, expecting it'll change, that another name will show up. But no, his name is still there.

However, Park Jinyoung is a common name, so he rushes to his inbox from the submission platform and his hand is shaking when he sees he has a new message. When he opens it, it confirms he actually is the winner of the submission.

Jinyoung pushes the chair back with a scream at the same time Jaebeom jumps and makes him spin and face him.

"You won!" His boyfriend cries out. "Jinyoungie, you won!"

Jinyoung still can't believe it, not even when his boyfriend pulls him from the chair and grabs him in his arms, bouncing with him in joy.

"Congratulations, Jinyoungie!" Jaebeom says once they stop jumping, pulling back to hold the younger man by the shoulders, smiling so brightly at Jinyoung who is still dazed. "Or should I say Writer Park, now?"

Jinyoung bursts out giggling now, covering his face with his hands. He'll get a publishing deal. He'll be a published author now, he'll really be able to make a career out of that hobby that turned into something he truly loved doing. What was his way of giving shape to the darkness in his mind could now also be also his livelihood.

The darkness and emptiness haven't disappeared, and they never will. Jinyoung has just learned to manage them and live with them. He has tools and healthy ways to cope with them, so much so that in the last two years he hasn't attempted or even considered suicide as an option, not even once. The fascination persists, but it stays in his writing.

And now he can take that writing and make a living out of it?

It's just too good to be real.

"Does this mean you'll finally agree to move in with me? You said that you would if you won the contest." Jaebeom asks, his face completely serious now.

Jinyoung laughs, completely taken aback by the question. Trust Jaebeom to remember that right in that moment. When Jinyoung moved out of his family home, his boyfriend tried to persuade him to move in with him, but the younger man insisted he needed to live alone first, to prove to himself he was better. Back then, he promised him that when he won a contest, he'd move in with him.

"Fine, I'll move in with you. All this time, and you're still as forward," Jinyoung replies with a smile, holding Jaebeom's face in his hands and pulling him in a kiss.

Why not? His life feels on the right track, his soul is patched up, and he's learned the tools to deal with his shortcomings. He's healed enough to take this next step.

"I never stop chasing after what I want," Jaebeom shrugs. "You're lucky you're always what I want."

"Still so corny," Jinyoung teases him, pushing him away and pretending to be appalled. "How did I even end up with you?"

"You love it, don't deny it," Jaebeom accuses him, going after him again, wrapping his arms around his waist and effectively trapping him once more.

Jinyoung scrunches up his nose as he gives in, the smile comes honestly to his lips as he leans into Jaebeom, so content with the place he is, the person he's become, and the man he chose to be with.

Tenderly, he kisses Jaebeom's cheek and whispers, "Yeah, and I love you."

the end