Ready to Run Part 2

Chapter 21

Olivia

When Lexie closes my bedroom door I immediately drop the fake smile I had plastered on my face and bury myself back under the covers. I think it's been a few days since, well, since everything happened. I keep expecting to feel better but instead it's getting worse. I know everybody is worried about me so I'm trying to put on a brave face. But it's starting to get exhausting.

Every day I drag myself out of bed after a long restless night to attempt to eat the breakfast that Lexie has made for me. She's trying to comfort me in the best way she knows how, which is over feeding. She's been making huge meals with all my favorites but I can barely choke anything down. Before Niall left I tried to spend the first few days hanging out with them but I got sick of being under their constant supervision. The constant questions. So I've pretty much sequestered myself to my room.

It's not just Lexie and Niall. I've cut myself off from everyone and everything. No phone, no internet. I keep the TV on just so Lexie doesn't think I'm just sitting up here in my room. But that's exactly what I'm doing. I barely pay attention to it. Just me and my bed and my constantly second guessing thoughts to keep myself company. No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about Liam. About how sorry I am for what I did to him. Every bone in my body is screaming at me to go out to LA. To show him what he means to me. Fight for him the way he's always fought for me. But my head is telling me to stop. After everything I still don't know if I'm really ready to put myself on the line like that. And a guy like him deserves someone who is sure. I can't put him through more misery just because I miss him. Niall and Lexie don't get that. Syd and Steph have both been over few times, trying to talk some sense into me. My inbox is full of texts from Gemma, Lou, and El; telling me to go after him. Even Louis texted me earlier this week, telling me to get my ass out to LA. I haven't answered any of them. But there is one person I do actually feel like talking to. On a whim, I reach out for my phone and dial the one person in my life who I feel like can give me some good advice.

"Did you butt dial me or is this really THE Olivia Spencer?" Harry says in a surprised voice.

"No Harry. It's really me." I say, unable to keep the small smile from my face.

"Lucky me! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I don't know. I just needed to talk. And I remembered this curly headed guy that I haven't talked to in way too long gives great advice."

"Really? You know Orlando Bloom?" He asks, pretending to be shocked.

"Shut up Harry." I tell him, full on laughing now. This was a good idea.

"How are you doing?" He asks. His tone is still light but I can sense the concern underneath. Although from him, it's not annoying for some reason.

"Shitty." I answer simply.

"Ok. Care to expand on that?"

"I miss him so much." I admit. 

"I know you do." He says, his voice calm and understanding. It's been a while since we've had one of our talks. He's the first person I confided in when I got to London. I don't know why it's taken so long for me to go to him.

"I didn't think it was humanly possible to miss someone so much. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Everything reminds me of him. I never thought I could hurt like this."

"I'm so sorry Liv. I wish there was something I could do. Is there anything I can do?" 

"No, I don't think so. All I want is to have him next to me and hear him tell me he loves me again. I know I hated it when he said it but now I'm aching for it. And it's only been a few days. But is this what it was like for him to be with me? He went months giving me love and never getting it back. God, I feel terrible. To think that he was hurting like this the whole time? I can't put him through that anymore!"