The Priest's Daughter

She Was Only Fifteen Part 1

Curious little Hili, walking around an estranged city at midnight. What would her pastor parents say about that? It kept crossing my mind over and over about how much trouble I'd be In when I got home, but opportunities like this don't come very often for a girl like me.

  I've never had friends and the popular girls have invited me to a nightclub at Diamond Square,              I would risk being grounded for a year just for one night with some fun girlfriends.                                           I crept my hand into my purse to find the 'borrowed' pair of Jimmy Choo's i snapped from my sister Brook's closet. I slipped on my black, mini halter dress I bought for eight bucks on sale and attempted to walk confidently to the nightclub in search of my new friends. I roamed the streets like a mad man in search of the girls, analyzing different faces and asking random people if they'd seen them while loading Jade and Beverly's photo's on Facebook from my phone. "No we haven't seen them here" a woman replied as I walked away timid and scared.
I handed my fake ID to the bouncer and when I got inside the club the girls were no where to be found, I waited for hours only to be hit on by an old, truck-driver wearing chains.

"Want to dance pretty girl?" he asked,  "No. Get Away From Me" i said, then he started pulling me, dragging me upstairs to a more secluded part of the club. I kicked and screamed but no one seemed to hear me. The room was purple with couches in the shape of red lips and there were dangling jewel curtains instead of doors. He groped me and started touching me, i kept pulling him off of me, crying and begging him to leave me alone, he didn't listen. "Stoop, please your hurting me" , "Keep your mouth zipped, no one needs to hear about this you whiny, little girl". When he put it inside of me i felt like a dead battery, i just wanted my parents but i knew they officially they hated me. 

I woke up unconscious on a park bench and realized my parents would kill me so I got up and ran to catch the earliest train home and climbed up to my bedroom's window.                                                                *cries in pillow* "Hili are you okay?" says Mum , "No I'm fine, please just leave me alone" I reply               I didn't want to tell my parents, even though i wish i could. There's no way they would side with me, now that my virginity is gone for good I'm a waste of sperm in their eyes.                                                              "How could you do that to me,  I waited for you and Beverly all night and you weren't there?" I told Jade at school in science class, "It was just for a bit of fun and gags, Hili don't take things too seriously" she replied. It wasn't their fault I got raped and it wasn't mine either, I just need to learn to accept that what happened will be stained on me forever.

The next morning I woke up to find a foul smell of urine to notice that I'd wet the bed from my night-mare about the trucker and the incident. I put my hands over my head and couldn't help fight the tears from pouring down. Mum walked in and stood at my doors entrance starring  at me  then she walked closer "Honey you can talk to me, you were crying and screaming all night but your father didn't want to wake you from your sleep.  I don't know if this is a phase or what this is so we've decided to book your some counseling"
  "Nothing is going on! It would be best if you all could just leave me alone"

"I can see that this problem is hurting you from your crying, honey I know that we're not the most easy going parents but I would really appreciate it if you could confide in us just this once" I found it hard to object and actually thought about telling them the truth to have my mind continuously shut off the whole concept with the idea of me being harassed by my family and then the the whole neighborhood for inflicting rape upon myself. My neighborhood was full of gossip by old, catholic women embroidered in jewellery and by the 'church' families that taught their kids to be intolerant, inconsiderate and judgmental human beings, unfortunately I was born into one of those families. My family is probably one of the most screwed up in this town as my father was once a priest so we hold a name to be extremely conservative. I was raised in realization that if i didn't obey my parents, daddy would get his belt and I've been smacked around plenty of times to know that the bible in my parents eyes is a flexibly translatable manual. They twist the bible's words to fit their own ideals, Instead of preaching forgiveness and tolerance I was forced to preach a whole different theory, I would go door to door with my older sister Brook to 'preach God's ways' when in reality I i never believed they were God's ways at all.

Brook Is now married to a conservative, dentist in our church. She lives three houses down the street and I often go to her place to get away from my the overly absurd preaching. Brook and her husband are also religious but i like to think that they are more compassionate than the people i know, I wish I could tell them about the trucker guy but I know for a fact that they would tell my parents and I'd be caught out for disobeying them by leaving the house at night.