The diary of a fiend

Used Up

I'll let it all out within this verse.
Taking no prisoner and telling everyone why I am cursed.
Burnt.
So sure of my imminent demise
But I lack to tell you the time at which it will occur.
Nothing more than hands tossing around the clock?
Yeah. That's for sure.
I'll start it off mellow as can be,
not really ready to let you read my selfish needs
The reason why I act pessimistic?
Oh please...
You just thought you knew me best.
Reading me like a book thinking you'll pass a test.
Not really diving into the unknown.
Or the morals that I have to overcome to know someone.
Someone like me.
Someone who's gone.
Feeling empty within this hollow home that we call our own.
I'll take it up a notch.
I remember when I was 15, ready to put the bullet between me and my needs.
But I hesitated.
And god bless!
Because if i did it.
Who will be telling you all this selfishness?
Yeah.
My poems and rhymes are all about me.
That's because I stopped giving a fuck
about the three things in my life.
Because roses only seem to grow over the soil of another tombstone,
near my home.
Where I lay,
with my name
slowly being etched into clay.
Where it'll stain..
As I lay,
not too sleep but to wonder.
If this was any other.
And the reason why my life is out of whack.
I'll tell you what I can't even keep my card from becoming overdraft!
Its not because I am a slob,
wishing I ran with a mob. No.
Its because planning scares me.
More than fucking anything.
Now it's time for me to be real.
No more second thoughts
Let me just cut this fence of steel
that surrounds my rusted thoughts
Enough is enough this time.
I think I'm gonna give in and not give a fuck this time.
So I'm done.
Say what you wish about me
Cuz I've done the damage.
No need to call out my name
because I fear no blasting
Suicide was my goal before
Now I'm here to prove everyone I'm not just a walking show.
So let start this brand new.
Hi I'm Ruben,
What's your name?
Nevermind.
I forgot we are exactly the same.
Man...
I gotta stop talking to the mirror all the time...