The diary of a fiend

Winter

Let me start this off
This note is a memoir
To the successes I'm putting up
Behind bars
See, when I was younger
Night terrors consumed me
Eating away my mind it would abuse me
Seeing shit like that
I'm not gonna mention because
I'll hold my tongue back.
The insomnia only got worse
I kept hearing, they're telling me to scream out
Another violent verse.
That doesn't end well
It's a shell
That has a casing
Dropping on the floor
Police taping
Off another scene.
I ran away because
I was a scare little teen.
That's when he yelled out.
"Kill them all.
Know one will find out."
It was never subdued
I just learn how to make him seemed like
He sounded like a fool
Now my problems thicken
Drug problems be wicked
Pill popper
Call me doctor Mario
Because I see the shrooms
And the koopa that gonna get me soon.
That's how I dealt with it all.
Kept people up
Long nights and late calls
Clean again
Met a girl who changed my views
Instead of seeing me locked in a pen
She put the pen to my hand
Told me to write
Because my stories don't keep her up at night
Because we are one in the same
And that saddens me because
You Should never feel ashamed
Or shattered
Broken
Pieces being taken off
Like tokens
Deposit it in
And hope you win
But life's too messed up for us
That's how we got along
And how I became a big ass cuddle bug
But then shit got real
I got violent
Saw the real us and realized we can't
Stand this nonsense
That drove me crazy
The one who had my soul
Rather see me push up daisies
At least that how I felt
Hence the reading of this note
And that chiming bell
That strikes at 12 because I ended it all with a shell
To my belly
Sometimes I feel like god is just
Dodging me.
And that's why I lost all faith.
He did such a sick thing
And let her feel the drug rape
I don't care for your reasons no more.
I know I'm going to hell because I have more to kill off.
Couldn't be there to stop it
That's what kills me the most
So I just forgot it
Reminded me that I'm useless
Can't really do shit
Then writing came to play
But people said I need to censor what I say
I did for awhile but felt sad for being a sellout
All the while
I knew what was up
I needed to think selfish for once
I guess what I'm saying is simple
Every girl coming onto me
Notice yourselves you're just a fucking pimple
You're there.
Now you're gone.
No magic tricks just didn't wanna be caught up
In this lust that causes me to get lost.
I'm lonely
I can't help it
Rather feel the comfort of a girl's skin
And the velvet
Sheets that surround us
That's only the night
I swear.
Even then I feel like a cheap asshole beyond compare.
I got a 9 in the closet
Wondering if ending it all will solve it.
I guess there's only one way to know
Goodbye world
Say hello to the red snow