Rules of Escape

Chapter 18 - Ana

"Wwwwehtter," Ana says.

"Th, th, th. Weather," Diane says, stressing the "th" in weather.

Ana puts her arm around Diane and rests her head on Diane's shoulder. She holds the newspaper and points to random words, attempting to say them. It is so hard. The words blur together. She prefers to watch the newspaper patterns. When she lets her eyes unfocus, the newspaper becomes a series of parallel lines and dots. Patterns. Shapes. Pictures.

Ana forces her heavy eyes to refocus and points to another word.  She has no idea what the word is so she waits, and taps the word.

"The," Diane says. "Th, th, th, tha."

"Ta," Ana says.

"Put your tongue behind your top teeth and blow. Like this. Look at where my tongue is."

Ana tries to copy Diane, but she still can't make the sound. Diane goes to the bathroom and comes back with a small mirror.

"Use the mirror," Diane says. "Look where my tongue is, then look in the mirror and put your tongue in the same place."

Ana does.

"Now breathe out hard," Diane says.

"Th."

"You did it! That was it! Perfect!"

"Th, th, th, tha, tha, tha. The."

"Good girl, Ana!"

Ana smiles. One consonant blend down, only about a billion more to go. Ana puts her head on the couch pillow and closes her eyes.

"Are you tired now, sweetie? Do you want a rest?"

"Seep," Ana says, closing her eyes.

Diane goes to the kitchen to start dinner and Ana curls up on the couch. She pushes her nose into the couch pillow, using the pillow as a filter. It smells like dust and age, but works effectively to dilute the smell of Diane's perfume. When she breathes deeply, she can still smell hints of the cat she had when she was younger and living at home. The pillow and the couch had been given to her by her parents when she moved into this home.

Ana begins to dream. In her dream, she is running through a forest with Evan. The forest is silent except for the cries of a baby. It seems like Ana and Evan are running from something but when she looks behind her, she can't see anything. There are no monsters or babies to be seen. Just a deep, dark forest.

The baby's cries grow softer the farther they run. She grabs Evan's arm to stop him and tries to look around for the baby. She doesn't like babies generally. Their cries make her skin crawl and the sight of babies - helpless, hairless creatures - repulses her.  But this baby's cry tears through her heart, brings her to an abrupt stop. 

Evan shakes off her hand and starts running again. Tears are on his face. It is dark and Ana stumbles as she tries to keep up with him, her legs sluggish, heavy. The cries fade away. She knows she has to stay with Evan, but the fading cries are like a magnet pulling her backwards.

Ana sits up on the couch, awake. She looks around for the baby, has to find it. She feels the rage and fear taking over her. Then she hears, not a baby's cry, but deep, soft, adult sobs. She gets up and follows the sobbing to the kitchen.

Diane is sitting at the kitchen table, her back to Ana. Her head is in her hands, her shoulders hunched and shaking. Ana stands in the doorway watching Diane trying to be quiet, completely unaware of Ana standing behind her.

Doesn't Diane care that I am awake?  Without meaning to, Diane gave Ana far too many opportunities to run away. But Evan said not to. Ana looks over to the sauce that Diane has made. She dips her fingers in the sauce and licks them. Such a good sauce and Diane will ruin it by coating chicken pieces with it.

How can Diane not know I am standing right behind her? Looking at her no less? What is wrong with her? Ana considers giving Diane a good hard push into the table so she has something real to cry about. It is just a passing thought, a way to stop Diane's silly crying and ridiculous attempts to quieten her sobs. But Diane turns around on her own, her face streaked with black makeup.

"Oh Ana," Diane says. "It's just awful. My mom's in hospital and I need to be with her. I'll have to leave you for a while. I'm leaving as soon as relief staff get here. And I think the girl coming here is new and I won't have time to help her get to know you!" Diane cries. Her face crumples into watery chaos once more.

Ana dips her finger in the sauce and licks it. Ana signs and says, "See, oo 'ater." What else can you say to a person in Diane's state? She'd see her later.

Ana recalls how Diane responds when Ana is upset. Ana takes one more fingerful of sauce, before holding the pot out to Diane. Diane's smile cracks through her tears. Diane dips her stubby finger in the sauce, withdraws it, and sucks it clean.

"Thank you, darling," Diane says before crumpling into a sobbing mess again.