Rules of Escape

Chapter 33 - Jesse

"Come in," Jesse calls from the kitchen when he hears the doorbell ring.

"Sorry, I'm early," Ro says coming into the kitchen. "I brought some Easter egg cupcake things. Thought the girls might like them."

"Oooh! Those are soooo cute!" Makayla says, seeing the towering decorations on top of large, chocolate cupcakes. "Hold still. I have to take a picture." Makayla adjusts her phone and captures an image of the cupcakes. "Perfect and so tumbler. Can we eat them after dinner? Do we have to save any for you guys?"

"You can have one each after dinner," Jesse replies with mild annoyance. "I'm almost done fixing dinner, then Ro and I are going out. You sure you feel okay, staying alone, without an adult here?" Jesse asks Makayla.

"Cheryl's old enough to babysit and I'm old enough to stay home alone. We'll be fine. You should go soon or you won't have time for dinner before the movie," Makayla says.

Jesse has had Ro over for dinner several times but this is the first official "date" that they've been on. The girls warmed to Ro quickly, making it easy for Jesse to feel good about this new relationship he had begun. Although the girls called Ro his girlfriend, Jesse isn't too sure how to define their relationship. It had started as a working relationship, but had become more casual and friendly over time. Taking advice from his daughters, he had asked her out for dinner and a movie. 

"If she says no, then you know that she doesn't like you in that way," Cheryl had said. To Jesse's amazement and joy, Ro had said yes.

In the restaurant, Jesse looks across the small table at Ro. "You look really nice tonight. New outfit?"

"Sort of. Thought I'd try a dress. It's not my style and I'm uncomfortable as hell. I have a change of clothes in my bag to wear to the movie."

"Well you look nice in pale blue. It shows your soft side," Jesse says. He remembers how Sara had appreciated him noticing her new clothes. Flattery will take you far, she had told him.

"My soft side. Right. Anyhow," Ro says, reaching under the table for her bag. "I brought some work I've done for the group home. I had to write up sample policies and procedures that will be in place. Want to see?"

"You never rest do you? Why are you so obsessed about the group home? I have two family members living in that home and I don't worry about them half as much as you do," Jesse says in frustration. He grins apologetically afterwards, realizing his comments are antagonistic.

"I have my reasons. It's my debt, so to speak," Ro says, showing no response to Jesse's frustration or his attempt to hide it. "This dinner is amazing. How's your food? Did you get seafood, too?"

"It's great. What debt are you referring to?"

"Okay, look," Ro says moving her work bag off the chair and onto the floor, "I'm putting work away, so now you stop digging. If I want you to know something, I'll tell you."

"But I want to know what drives you. I admire you. I'd love to have even a little of your energy."

"No you wouldn't," Ro laughs, bitterly. "You mistake my escape for energy. Work gives me a chance to run away from things. It's not the same as running towards a dream."

"I understand that. I used work as an escape for years. It became hard to stop working – escape work I called it. It's like an addiction and with it, I never had to face the hollow shell I had become."

"So oddly, maybe we're more alike than we are different. One day we'll share closet stories, but not tonight. We both need a break."

Ro focuses on her dinner and Jesse takes the opportunity to stare at her. She's lovely, slightly fragile looking in her new dress. He knows that beneath her soft, silk dress her muscled body is tense, unconsciously wanting to be covered in fight or flight fabric. Her tattoos peak out from under the short sleeves. One day, he'd like to see all her tattoos. He knows that in some places, she's layered her tattoos to hide her previous stories, or recreate them.

Lots of people run from what they fear. Jesse's greatest fear was dealing with the loss of love. What has Ro lost, what kind of love? Jesse recalls the fear he felt when Sara died and the subsequent escapes he found. It was the girls who showed him how to face his fear, how to remember love, how to love again.  Perhaps Ro's problems have nothing to do with love. Maybe she has war flashbacks that haunt her. Jesse's heard about those. Post-traumatic stress syndrome. Maybe that's why she left the army.

"I won't push you Ro, but if you ever want to talk, I'm here. I'll listen. It might help. Demons tend to lose their power over time."

"Mine won't. My demons grow stronger with time," Ro wipes her hands on her napkin. "But we all have our issues right? Leave it be. My issues are currently motivating me to run a group home so that your brother and his friends can live how they want. With a little luck, the illusion of a group home will give us some room and time to create a better protective bubble around them."

"The illusion of a group home is perfect, but why do they need a protective bubble? I'm sure what you're setting up will be more than enough for them."

"First, there's something about your grandfather's property that helps them focus, makes them feel calm. I don't understand it, but we need to try and protect it no matter what happens beyond the property. Second, they are different. We need to shield them from neighbours."

"They're like innocents. Children, really."

"I wouldn't say like children, but easy prey for some people. So, protection is one of my main priorities."

"How can it be, that someone with so much to offer, has such a heavy heart? I want to help you with whatever makes you sad. Please tell me more about you. Your past..."

"You don't know shit! And I said leave it alone!" Ro yells, glaring at the people next to them who turn to look at her. "I'm sorry for yelling. I don't want that kind of help. I just want your respect and companionship. Please be happy offering just that."

"Well then, maybe I will take a look at the policies you've written. Don't know how much help I can offer with them, though," Jesse pauses, wanting to move on, but feeling like the evening had suddenly taken an irreversible turn for the worse.

Ro laughs. "You know, I could use some non-counselling help," she whispers to Jesse. "Follow me to the washroom, but not too close. Don't want it to look weird."

Jesse waits for Ro to leave, confused by her sudden change in temperament. In front of the women's washroom, Ro goes up on her tiptoes and whispers in Jesse's ear, "Undo the zipper on the back of my dress."

"What!? We're in a restaurant!" Jesse says in a loud, nervous whisper. He glances into the women's washroom, trying to see if it's one large stall or multiple stalls.

"Ha! We don't have much time, so I'm changing for the movie now," Ro says, turning her back to him. With the zipper undone, Ro gives Jesse a quick wink and disappears into the washroom.

Jesse's knees weaken and his palms start to sweat. His physical state baffles him.  All he did was unzip her dress. But it wasn't the zipper, it was the whisper, the tattoos beneath the zipper, the wink. It was Ro and her terrible, twisted sense of humour. Reckless with wild fringe ideas. A saver of outliers. His mother would call her crazy. His grandmother would say she had come undone.

Neither would be correct, Jesse thinks. She's like a beautiful rose - a deep red rose, beautiful and full of thorns. He wants to wrap his arms around her, protect her fragile heart. Instead, when Ro emerges from the bathroom in her standard attire, Jesse stands up taller and leaves the restaurant by her side.