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Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The dim light of my laptop screen glowed in the darkness of the room.

For some unknown reason, I was browsing through college websites at two o'clock in the morning.

Outside, everything was completely still. The last car I'd seen drive past was at least a few hours ago. Even the vague orange haze from the streetlights seemed to add to the emptiness. I knew that I should have been asleep a long while back, but my brain was determined to keep me working in overdrive.

Site after site, nothing was produced that I found remotely feasible.

It was beginning to look more and more ill-fated.

"What are you doing?" A low grumble came from the door.

My eyes darted from the screen to the doorframe, where there was a shadow looming. The shadow stepped into the light my laptop was providing, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"Nothing ma," I smiled, my hand resting on my chest as it rose up and down.

"Okay, now tell me what you're really doing. I know you, and I know that you wouldn't be up at this time if you weren't doing something," She frowned, sitting on the end of my bed rubbing my leg reassuringly.

"I'm searching through colleges," I mumbled, my eyes glued to the site that I was on currently.

The site told me that the college held the exact course that I wished for, but there was one problem.

It was all the way in LA.

Talk about the other side of the world.

"Have you found one yet?"

"Kind of." I really didn't have the guts to tell her that I'd probably have to move more than five thousand miles away to pursue a career. My stomach was in knots and I felt physically sick.

"There's something wrong," Mum said quietly.

"No, really ma, there isn't," I lied. The cursor hovered over the words 'United States Of America'. A sadness overcame me; I didn't want to go. Yet, a part of me was urging myself to take flight.

"There is, it's ok, you can tell me," Mum comforted, tracing smooth circles on my arm with the pad of her finger.

I took a deep breath, weighing up my options.

On one hand, I could tell her now and make it easier in the long run, much like ripping off a plaster.

On the other hand, I could wait a while and see if any more colleges appeared.

Somehow, it seemed doubtful that the second would ever occur.

"There's a college, it offers the course I want, it seems nice." I shrugged, finally daring to tear my eyes away from the screen.

"And?" She asked; she had clearly sensed the apprehension in my voice.

"And it's all the way in America." I finished, shutting down the laptop and shoving underneath the dark depths of my bed.

"Look," Mum started, holding her hand to her forehead, "I'm not saying that it's not going to be hard on me, I'm saying that if it's what you want to do, then I'll support you."

"It's not just that." In reality, it was everything. Leaving my perfect little shelter was going to be strenuously difficult.

"You're afraid to go," Mum said quietly, scanning my eyes for affirmation.

"Yeah, I guess."

"All I can say is don't just think about the short-term hurdles, consider the long-term benefits," She smiled warmly, standing herself up from the bed and heading towards her room.

"Before you go," I let out a little cough, and she turned around, leaning her weight against the door frame. "I love you."

"I love you too, now go to sleep." She turned on her heel.

No matter how much I squeezed my eyes shut, sleep refused to arrive. Too much was racing through my thoughts. The only way around it was to create a mental list of attributes.

Pro: Qualifications will help me get a job.

Con: All the way on the other side of the world.

Pro: New friends.

Con: Leave old friends behind.

Pro: Ma will be proud.

Con: Ma will also be lonely.

Pro: Get to travel.

That's all I could come up with. It helped me feel slightly more reassured, but I was still undecided.

Did I follow my heart, or did I listen to my head?

(A/N) Okay guys, so a week today I go on holiday. I'll probably have time for one more update within the week, unless the hotel has wi-fi. Which I doubt it will.

We can pray though, right?