Alone // Jacky Vincent & Ryan Seaman

Chapter 5

I woke up. A steady beeping ringing in my head. As far as I could see, everything was white. Please don't tell me I'm in a fucking hospital. I looked down at the I.V. on my wrist and closed my eyes. I'm in a hospital.

"J-Jacky?" I heard my mum say in a strained voice. "Jacky!" I opened my eyes again and tried to fake a smile while she squeezed me, hurting my, well...everything.

"Mum" I muttered out and she pulled away. She wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Oh my god you scared me." She barely said, holding my hand. "It's uh...It's been 3 months...since you got here." My heart jumped. 3 months. My mouth dropped open and there's only one thing I could think to say.

"d-did Mika call?" She looked down and swallowed when I asked. She took a breath and started.

"Well...Mika...His mum thought you should know.." She paused for a while. "He killed himself."

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I felt tears roll down my face and my throat became dry. I couldn't believe it.

"It was because he thought you wouldn't make it..." She pulled me back into a hug but I couldn't find any strength to hug her back.

"Mrs. Vincent." A nurse stuck her head in the door. "You have to leave while we do some last minute things before he can go home." My mum nodded and started for the door.

"I'll be at work. Just come home after."

The nurse came in and gave me a shot and did some other things. I wasn't really paying attention. I couldn't. I noticed her give me a weird look every once in a while. Apparently I have two broken ribs and a broken ankle. Who knows what else. When she was done, I changed clothes and went back home. On my way to my room, I passed Ryan's. I opened the door slowly to see that It was actually clean. Nothing laying around, the bed made and I actually didn't see anything that showed any sign of him. I limped over to the bed on my broken ankle and saw a note on it.

'Jacky, If you're reading this, that probably means you're actually alive. I've been really worried about you. everyone has. It's been almost three months and a lot has happened. There are somethings you really need to know about...I'm dating Ron now. I'm sorry. I really hope we'll still be friends like we were before all of this happened. I also moved back into my mum's house by myself. Again, I hope we'll still be friends.

-Ryan'

I ripped the paper and threw it on the floor. How could he do that to me? I shouldn't have stood up for that fucker. I should've just let James beat him up. Then he wouldn't be dating my boyfriend and I wouldn't have been in the hospital for three bloody months. I just sat and thought for a long time. A really long time, until one thought made its way into my head. One that always did. I'm already half dead anyway. It'd be replacing all of these emotions with pain. Sounds like a better option to me. I stood up, shaking, and went into my bathroom. 'Everything will be okay' I kept telling myself as I searched through the drawers until my hand felt the small, cold piece of metal. It was from last time I tried, but got too nervous about someone finding out. Who cares now. I have no one left. My best friend's dead because of me and the person I thought I loved is with the person I hate. I held the blade in my fingers and hesitated before pressing against my wrist. I slowly made cuts all along my skin until small beads of blood sat on my arm. I washed it off in the sink and looked up into the mirror. I guess I could say I was terrified. My skin was pale and my lips were chapped. My normally blue eyes were now a dull greenish grey colour. I threw the blade into the drawer and slammed it shut, staring down at the cuts i'd made as I walked back to my room. The cuts that would soon be scars and that I would get weird looks for, and that people would judge me for. They would think of me differently. I pulled on a misfits sweatshirt to hide my arms and laid down on my bed, wishing to wake up and for this to have never happened.