Jesses girl (bechloe fanfic)

Chapter 11

Chloe's POV
Because I can't love you
Because I can't love you
Because I can't love you
Those words kept replaying in my head, I've been up all night thinking of it and only got two hours of sleep before beca woke up complaining about her headache and the sun. I guess it's a good thing I thought of bringing aspirin and water, she should thank me. So here we are now driving back to campus in a taxi and I don't have the nerves to ask her what she meant by it. I'm such a loser, I'm worthless, I'm stupid, I can't even tell the person I love that I want to be with them because I'm a dumbass who can't admit anything. This whole thing is getting on my nerves, does she even remember yesterday? "Chlo you okay there? You look really angry or sad I can't tell" beca finally spoke up. I knew she's been watching me for theses past couple of minutes "yea, fine" I forced a smile. "Come on Chloe, I'm stupid but I'm not dumb" she turned in her seat to face me. "Becs I'm fi-" she interrupted quickly "no you're not" she sighed and pulled me closer to her but my seatbelt stopped me. The taxi came to a stop and I payed the taxi driver and thanked him then got out, taking our stuff out of the trunk, beca and I went to the building the girls dorms were in and started walking up the stairs. "So?" Beca asked still forcing me to talk, I glared at her. "What did you mean yesterday when I" I paused and took a deep breath "when I asked why you loved Jesse and you said because I can't love you" It went really silent and I turned to find beca had stopped in her tracks and was staring at me with her jaw dropped down. I'm not gonna lie I was scared, my heart was racing and my palms began to get sweaty, I hated this feeling of not knowing what's gonna happen next."I... I did what!" Beca dropped her stuff and went into her defensive mode. She started pacing "I didn't mean it" she slapped her forehead "fuck, shit, fuck my life" she avoided eye contact with me and paced faster. "I don't love you, I never will okay?! Chloe I love Jesse he's actually hot... And red heads who hook up with random manwhores" her voice tailed off. I felt my eyes began to water and I continued walking "Chloe wait" Beca picked up her things and followed me "no! No beca it's fine I get it, I'm just some stupid redhead" I stormed into the room and she followed still "and no one will ever fall in love with me because I'm a slut, and I'm ugly, and-" Beca dropped her stuff on her bed and grabbed my wrist then spun me around, causing me to drop the things I was carrying except for the sleeping bag. She wiped my tears with her thumb, I didn't even notice I was crying until I felt her wipe them "Chloe none of that is true" she said softly then ran her hands through my hair "you're beautiful, amazing, sweet, kind, loving and God Chloe I can go on forever but I don't even think there is enough words to explain how amazing you are, or how much you mean to me. I mean you're Chloe Beale for fucks sake you, you are everything and anything that anyone could ever dream of, and anyone who isn't in love with you is fucking missing out on a lot" her hand fell from my hair and landed on my waist. "But I'm not perfect" I mumbled quietly "no one is perfect Chlo, look at me I'm fucking broken and I can't be fixed but I have you and that's all I need to get by" she gave me a sad smile and I shook my head. "You're not broken beca, you're just bent" she looked into my eyes and bit her lip "look Chloe I'm sorry for freaking out on you for no reason, I'm stupid for doing that every time I'm nervous or mad, I didn't mean any of it, like I said you're everything and if anyone in this world is the definition of perfect it's you" I smiled a bit, maybe I should tell her now. Yes, I'm going to do it... I have to. "Beca, I love you" she smiled and tightened her grip on my waist "I love you too, Chlo" I shook my head "no, no not like that Becs I mean I think I'm in lo-" she let go of my waist "Chloe stop" her face went pale "but shouldn't you kn-" she cut me off again "stop" she plugged her ears "lalalalalalalala" she started repeating that over, and over again. I closed my eyes and stood there for a while. I didn't even notice beca walk out of the room. When I opened my eyes they were glazed with tears, I looked around and there was a feeling I couldn't explain. It wasn't love, it was pain. Everything I ever wanted just rejected me, she didn't even let me finish. I started crying, which soon turned into sobs. I called Aubrey and told her to bring me Mac and cheese and Dairy Queen. She showed up fifteen minutes later with my requests and a couple of movies which I didn't ask for. After I explained the whole thing to her, we started watching the fault in our stars, which only put me in a worse mood considering its becas favourite movie. I slowly ate my food while crying. Beca didn't show up yet and I felt this, this unbearable pain get worse and worse which I didn't think was possible.
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Beca's POV
Have you ever had the feeling like you're ten feet underwater and you can't breathe, yea well that's how I feel now. I am such an idiot. "I am such an idiot" I repeated to Stacie. I came here about an hour ago and I explained the whole situation to her, I felt horrible I just let someone so close to me go, but I'm not ready for commitment, I'm not even that committed to Jesse which I feel bad about that also because here is a guy who for some reason is head over heals for me and I am with him for no reason because I don't even like him like that, I look at him more like a close friend. "Do you love her?" Stacie finally asked and I shook me head "no! I mean yes! Ugh I don't even know! My dad will kill me and send me back to Canada to my mom if I even had the slightest attraction to Chloe or any girl!" I raised my voice and started crying again. Stacie got up and hugged me "Beca" she said quietly "fuck your dad, he doesn't get to decide who you fall in love with, and it shouldn't matter at all about if it's a boy or a girl the important thing is that you feel loved and that you would risk anything to be with whoever it is you love and if he decides that he has any right to judge anyone for that then he is a dick who doesn't deserve you" I nodded slowly and looked down "I can't love Chloe" I mumbled and Stacie stared at me silently "I don't deserve her, I don't deserve anyone" I walked to the door "Beca wait where are you going?!" Stacie stood up from the bed. "I just, I need to go" I walked out and slammed the door. I started picking up my pace so Stacie wouldn't be able to come out and stop me, I kept walking and found myself out side of Jesse's dorm. Jesse or Chloe. I knocked on the door and he opened it almost immediately "Beca? Babe what's wrong" I cringed at his pet name and shrugged letting a tear drop as he pulled me into a hug. "Chloe, Chloe and I got in a fight" I cried as he rubbed my back. It wasn't really a fight it was me more like comfort in her, then me snapping on her for telling me how she feels and then leaving her heartbroken in the room alone. I'm such a bitch, and I will hate myself knowing if I hurt her. "It'll be okay baby, I'm here for you. What happened anyways?" I looked up at him and shook my head and wiggled out of his grasp. "Nothing, it's nothing. Look Jesse I better go talk to her, bye" I walked off again and made my way back to mine and Chloe's dorm. I stood outside my dorm and tried to think of what I was going say to her. I walked in and saw and saw her laying on my bed asleep, the tear stains on her cheeks were definitely visible. I took off my clothes and put on one of Chloe's shirts and crawled into bed beside her. "Goodnight Chloe" I whispered and put a strand of hair behind her ear, then kissed her forehead "I'm in love you too" I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.