Inside A Lover's Heart (Criminal Minds Fanfic)

Numb

Music:
Badlands (Deluxe) Album- Halsey
(A/N: important note at the end. Please read it. Thanks.)

Numb. That had been the correct term I had felt as Ariel drove me to the BAU. My hands had stopped shaking a while back, replaced with a eerie stillness I couldn't doubt made Ariel uncomfortable. There was no talking, even when she came into the BAU with me. Garcia was back at work after I had quit, my little brother Sammy in his carrier at all times. Seeing my little brother, my hands went to my stomach. I was still in shock. I was pregnant, and the love of my life was missing. Garcia looked up from Sam to look at me. I instantly broke down, tears flowing finally down my face.

"Oh, my baby," Garcia cooed sadly, opening her arms to me.

She began to smooth my hair down, trying to calm me down. But I couldn't.

"I shouldn't have let him leave me," I whimpered quietly.

"Honey, you wouldn't have known. None of us knew what was happening," she said softly.

"I just want him back," I sniffled.

"We are working our hardest to find him, alright? Come sit with Sammy and try to relax," she smiled.

I nodded, my hand still clutching her arm as she sat me down. With tears in her eyes, she joined the rest of the team. Sam cooed at me happily, trying to get my attention. As I went to hold him, his small fingers wrapped around a single one of mine.

To say I started to cry was an understatement.

I bawled.

After Ariel calming me down, I sat their quietly. I began to play with my fingers, a nervous tick I hadn't had since Spencer and I first got together. He had numbed me of it. Ariel had to take a call from David. He had been wondering where she was. At the end of their call, 'I love you's were mumbled at both ends. I started to cry again, only silently, because I cannot get mad at my best friend for having a loving boyfriend-

"Jessica! We've got him!" Rossi shouted, grabbing my hand.

He pulled me to my feet as Garcia stayed with Sammy. I was then rushed out the door and into a car, where I sat in shock. We raced to Spencer's whereabouts. My heart was quickening in pace. When we got there, I saw Derek carrying out a weak-looking man. When I got there, I saw Derek carrying out the father of my child.

Spencer.

A/N: hey guys. So I know this isn't a really good chapter, but I've been a little off lately.
For those of you who might not know, one of my favourite Youtubers, Daniel Kyre, died of an apparent suicide attempt on September 16th (I think). I have been a huge fan of Cyndago for quite a long time now and finding out that Daniel was no longer with us was heart breaking. I took a mini hiatus to just figure stuff out, plus watching Mark Fishbach's goodbye video (which I have linked if you haven't already seen it) to Daniel really hit a nerve for me and I was really upset; I still am. Watching the video caused me to stop and look at myself, for I have thought about suicide as an option in my past and have struggled with mental health issues. The video showed me what can happen if you decide to take your own life. I know this probably isn't the best topic for early Tuesday morning, but I thought you guys should know. I will try to update as soon as I am inspired and feeling better, and please do not hesitate to talk to me if you are feeling down. I am always here for you all and I love each and every one of you.
-Paiten ❤️