How I got over my Ex

How I cleansed myself

I followed my boss into her small office space and sat down in the chair she'd appointed to me without saying a word. I felt like a frightened little bug seeing the sole of a shoe slowly coming down but too frozen to move. I was watching my own demise fall upon me in slow motion. Life wasn't flashing before my eyes but this scenery wasn't pretty either.

"So..." My boss said while she crossed her hands on her desk. Her posture straight like an uncooked noodle and her face telling me she wasn't about to have this crap that she was expecting me to feed her.  I fought against the urge to whimper because I didn't want her to see how weak I actually felt. Although, I think she was one of those people who could smell fear.

"Nice desk." I said while touching the wood as if I was actually interested in that. I didn't know wood, I didn't know where I was going with this. I stopped touching it as soon as that mocking eyebrow made its appearance again.

"One of my best employees recommended you for this job and what do I see? You're sitting on the ground in hiding. Would you mind telling me what this is all about?" She asked.

Now this was a difficult situation. See, I could tell her the truth about purple bra girl but that would mean I had to tell her my entire relationship story and by the end of that she might not even believe me. Or I could come up with a lie but I'm really bad at lying. Also, I panic when I have to come up with a story at the top of my head. One time, I accidentally broke my bike as a kid and when my dad asked what had happened to my bike I blurted out that I ate it. Yes, it's that bad.

"Well?" She asked. I had to act quick before she'd lose her patience altogether.

"It's complicated." I answered. All the hopes I had about this job were gone. I knew I wasn't gonna get it, so why even try? I could just walk out of there and save myself some mysery. Obviously, I was too chicken to do that.

"I'm sure I'll keep up." My not-really-ex-boss told me. I wasn't sure whether she was being sincere or slightly sarcastic.

I also hadn't expected her to say that. I took a deep breath like I was about to dive into a pool and started my story. "...so when I saw purple bra girl in the store, I couldn't face her." I concluded. "I'm sorry, I'll leave."

"Hang on." She said after she'd listened to my entire story. She'd even handed me a box of tissues somewhere in the middle but I couldn't quite remember how it happened. I was cradling a box of tissues when I ended my story and had genuinely wondered how that had happened. I really wanted to believe they'd magically appeared when I needed them.

"This must be so difficult for you." She told me and I had to blink a few times to make sure I'd heard that right. "I'm going through a divorce myself. At first, I was fine pretending he wasn't screwing his secretary. Why would he even do that? Choosing a silly secretary instead of a successful businesswoman like me! I kept quiet of his little indiscretions but then I found him fucking the cleaning lady. The cleaning lady!"

I quietly handed her the box of tissues I'd been hanging onto.

"Thank you." She grabbed a few tissues and started blowing her nose a little aggressively. "So as a revenge I slept with his daughter's soccer coach and he couldn't handle that. Can you believe that? He couldn't handle that. So we filed for a divorce. Fine. I'm better off without him anyway. I even faked it with him. Every single time." She said. "Oh, it feels so good to get that out. I can't tell my friends because they're all judgemental bitches."

"Wow." I said with my mouth slightly ajar. I had not expected that story attack. That's what it was. She'd been attacking me with her angry words and I felt a little slapped in the face.