How I got over my Ex

How I made a wish or two

"Lu..." I heard a voice whisper in my ear as I slowly woke from a deep sleep because someone was shaking my shoulder. "Lu!"

"Hmm?" I muttered, my voice still raw from the sleep. Slowly, I opened my eyes and noticed Jane was looming over me, trying her best to wake me up.

"Lu, wake the fuck up!" Jane whispered again. I rubbed my eyes and noticed I'd fallen asleep on the couch. Jane was still wearing her clothes from the night before. Or was it this night? How long had I been asleep anyway? It seemed like she'd just got back.

"What?" I asked while suppressing a yawn.

"It's fine having a guy over and all but you're supposed to get rid of a one night stand after you did your thing." She whispered while her eyes went to something next to me. I slowly followed her gaze and noticed Aiden was sound asleep on the couch next to me. His mouth was slightly ajar and his breathing was heavy.

"We didn't-" I couldn't finish my sentence because Aiden let out one of those snortlike sounds which I'm pretty sure is sleeptalk for 'shut up I'm trying to sleep'. Jane sighed, grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the bathroom where we could talk normally.

"Did you just got back from the party? What time is it anyway?" I asked while adjusting to the bright light of the bathroom.

"It's 4 AM but that doesn't matter right now. Why didn't you kick him out?" Jane asked.

"We were watching Monsters University and we both must've fallen asleep." I explained to my roommate.

"Your post-sex rituals are weird as fuck." She snorted but there wasn't much humor in her voice.

"We didn't have sex." I told Jane and maybe it was my imagination but it seemed like she was relieved to hear that. "He stubbed his toe."

"You guys didn't do it because he stubbed his toe?" Jane asked incredulously. "I've had way worse injuries but it has never stopped me. Although I might've gotten the injuries during... Hmm." She suddenly disappeared into her own mind leaving a colorful image free for interpretation in mine. If one day she'd show me a closet full of leather collars and handcuffs I wouldn't be surprised.

"Oh no. This is so awkward. I have a guy sleeping on the couch, Jane!" I suddenly realised. Was I supposed to let him sleep it off? But then maybe he'd wake up all scared in a new environment and pee the carpet. Well, probably not pee the carpet but I once had a bunny sleeping on my couch back home and it peed because it was scared.

The other option was to actually wake him up like Jane had done to me earlier but then what? I'd have to communicate with Aiden. What do you say in these kinds of situations? It was fun, hope your toe isn't infected, bye? Maybe Jane and I could carry him to the hallway and let him figure it out on his own. That would be too rude, Aiden had been a great sport tonight.

Anthea had taught me about me about one night stands but she hadn't explained to me what to do when you didn't end up sleeping with the guy but falling asleep next to each other. I needed a 'How to get rid of your almost night stand for dummies'. For a brief moment, my mind forsaw a future where Aiden would always be around because I'd never kicked him out. Stupid, crazy brain.

"Correct. There's a guy sleeping on our couch. Make it disappear." Jane instructed.

"Isn't making people disappear more your thing?" I asked. Or Seth. Seth probably knew someone who could do it. He could really make a lucrative business for himself.

"I'm not cleaning up your mess." Jane raised her hands as if we were talking about picking up a dirty bag of poo.

"You're right, this is a mess." I sighed. I guess I needed to confront Aiden even though I was considering wishing on a star to make it go away.