Right so I have this one friend and she pisses me off so bad. I have never met such an attention seeking, judgmental person in my life. It's just constantly, I hate her makeup, I hate her eyebrows, I hate her face, look at my scars, isn't that funny, look how deep this cut was.
Show me where I asked? Like, no. Self harm is not a funny matter so why Tf you laughin? Also, I thought self harmers were secretive and never showed off their scars? Clearly by showing us you are only trying to get attention from us. You kick up a fuss about chicken and how she shows then off but your fucking worse!? Where is the logic here. Why have you got to put all this weight on my shoulders? It's like you think you are the only person who suffers. M8 no you ain't. I feel like I can't be upset around people anymore, my issues just are irrelevant as you all seem to tell me people who have it worse. Shut the fuck up and let me have a chance. Maybe I want to put some of my problems on your shoulders for once. I carry you all by smiling and laughing for you all but where are you rn? I just want one person to actually notice I'm not happy but they just don't care. Like the other day, Musique wanted to sit by me so she could give me advice and our other 'friend' said 'what if I need help?'
WHEN DO I EVER NEED HELP? When do I eVER ASK PEOPLE FOR HELP? You are so wrapped up in yourself you can't even see that others may have shit going on in their lives. I really just want to sob and let out all this pain but alas it never works. Yesterday was the closest I came with one singular tear down my cheek. An accomplishment for me. I'm not really sure what it is but I just don't cry unless I have held it in for too long so technically I'm well overdue. If anyone gets this and wishes to send advice that would be helpful tbh cus I am super confused.
But anyway, back to friends. I honestly don't feel like my friends like me sometimes. They way they talk to me and try to undermine my problems is extremely unsupportive. You guys have no idea about me or what goes on in my head. You don't know half the shit that happens outside of school. I don't tell you because I doubt you'll be able to listen for more that 5 seconds without interrupting to let me know how much worse life is for you. Just be there? Why is that so hard? Ugh
One of our friends has been going through a difficult time recently. It obvious her home life isn't very stable but she never sits there wallowing in self pity like her. She has so much more shit going on in her life. Do you ever ask her about how she's feeling? NO! Stop thinking about yourself for more than five seconds and actually be a friend ffs. I'm literally so done with you. I haven't been this done for a while. You chose the wrong time to flip your switch and be all weird. When we first became friends you weren't like this so what changed? I know exactly what it was. When our friend confessed some really difficult things you saw that you weren't the only one and couldn't take the attention. Why couldn't you just have been there? She was always there for you and you can't even say one kind word. Thanks mate, you were really Great, thumbs up for your lack of a heart. I wish you could carry yourself for once instead of getting everybody else to do it. Sometimes you have to be your own saviour. Stop putting all this weight on me and dragging me down when I clearly want to remain high. Stop trying to get attention for things that are actually incredibly serious. Stop making a mockery of mental illness. I'm not saying you don't have it because clearly you fucking do I'm saying that by telling me your OFF YHE SCALE. I'm sorry o just can't. THERES A FUCKING SCALE NOW AHHAHAHAHA. Alright sorry that's just too funny. There is no freaking scale plus you are nowhere near off the scale. You are an average teen girl going through a hard stage in life that you can Easily recover from in the future when you mature. If you were 'off the scale' you wouldn't come into school laughing everyday, would you???? Exactly. K I'm done. Peace out fother muckers
