Why do friends even exist? All they do is fight. If it's not with you its with another friends and they all drag you into their argument. Sometimes I wish I was only friends with boys. I hear they are quite calm when it comes to bitching.
As fun as bitching may be I am sick to death of it. I just want to run away and hide from the world till school is over and all these fake people will be left behind with it. Although my friends are cool, I'm done with the whole facade now. We laugh, we fight, we bitch, then we go back to laughing again. But none of them really know me. They don't know half the stuff I whisper alone to the dark (kinda stole that line from Lord of the rings) the only person I really let all the way in wasn't really the person I thought they were we don't talk anymore. My friends were too oblivious, too busy making jokes they don't care enough to listen to my problems so I usually suffer in silence. Sometimes it feels like not one person would even notice if I just disappeared. It just hurts knowing that someone can mean the world to you but they barley even acknowledge you're existence. Which leads me on to other things on my mind. Farrago. Damn that one knows how to play with your emotions. Was he looking at me? Wasn't he? Did we just make eye contact? Was it because he was looking at me? Ah so many unanswered questions maybe I will never even know the answers to. One can only dream.
Anyway back into the subject of friends, do they think I'm a doormat? That they can just walk all over me and expect me not to care? Well guess what, they're wrong. Just today I had to walk home, usually my friend and I walk half the way then I walk the rest but today she had our two other friends going to hers. Now let's call her bing (idk) wanted to wait till everyone had left the school to start walking, then decided after waiting that she needed the toilet. I told them over and over, I want to go home! Did they listen, no! They told me to 'just go' but claimed they thought I wasn't walking today. Bullshit. Then they decide 'lets go to lidl!' No I want to Fucking go home! So we trudge up to lidl and now by this point I'm desperate. They ignored me the whole way and then acted like I was being a bitch. Fuck that. So whilst they took a fucking lifetime buying the food I had to beg for a lift home as it had gotten to a ridiculous time. I eventually got the offer to be picked up but I would have to walk by McDonald's first. So they decide to go the scary way with the big road with all the fast cars on a fucking bridge. Then walk at 2mph I said 'hurry up, walk faster,' and they said 'no,' just fucking no. Like is was so insignificant that I didn't deserve it. And I swear to god I could have punched her. But instead I speed walked away from them and didn't look back. I'm done with them. Done with there never ending bullshit. The old 'I hate her but I will still pretend that we are best best friends!1!1!1!1' routine. I don't want them as friends anymore. I want friends that respect me and I can have respect for. The sort of friends were we can all listen to one another without having to add in a stupid joke. I wish I had someone I could trust but I guess I'm just not the sort of person people like that stay friends with. I always push them away, such a fool I am. Pft who am I kidding once a doormat always a door mat. Am I right :3
Rant rant rant! Woohoo that was interesting... Enjoy listening to all my problems, unlike my friends! Lol jk, not really, idk. But I guess this could work as a kinda two way street, if anyone actually reads this we could you know, discuss our problems together? Who knows....
