Recently during Christmas and the holidays I was really at one with myself. I just seemed to smile a lot more and feel really inspirational and bright. It was like I had transformed into a better more fun person for a little bit. I was enjoying myself and making sure that no matter what I was actually smiling. I also got highly addicted to anime all of a sudden and I guess getting lost in a totally fictional world is very therapeutic. It's almost like you become a character.
So now school has come back around I just feel all that stress and unhappiness building up again. Before every lesson I start to freak out and I can just feel it down in the pits of my stomach just lingering like a ticking time bomb. Then everything draws closer and the bomb is ticking faster and faster and I can't turn it off so it just keeps ticking and ticking. Then suddenly something really bad will happen, the bomb explodes sending me into a whirlpool of despair. I feel sick, I over heat, I just want to escape. But I'm stuck at he back of the class in a room full of people. They're surrounding me everywhere, I couldn't get out as hard as I tried. So I just say there and it felt like the whole room was closing in around me drawing tighter and tighter squeezing onto me. I can't move I can't do anything I'm just trapped there. It doesn't help when the classroom is freakin 100000 degrees. I had to open the window behind me and just sit facing it for a second, just let the wind caress my face. It got to the point where is was actually getting really cold but I didn't give up I kept the window open because if I shut it I'd be stuck again.
School is full of many dilemmas most of which you can't even run away from. I try so hard to just breathe though the pain but sometimes it all becomes too much and I just feel so cornered. So if you were ever wondering what it felt
Like to have a claustrophobia or anxiety (or fricken both) I would probably say this is a good analogy. I feel like this Every day. So yeah, pray for me.
