Publicity

18

Miley's POV

"You know something?" Nick asked.

"Hmm?"

"For someone who had spent a lot of time with you, and even live with you, I think you're not as bad as they make you out to be."

"You think so?"

"I do. Miley, I know you never mean to screw up. People just always misunderstand you, and even mistreat you. What you did to Cory was probably what you've been keeping in for so long."

"Keep talking," I said.

"Well, let's see. Right now you refused to get high because you want to think about what happened, that's kind of responsible..."

"Damn straight."

"And...well, I think you never mean to be...bad. I see it like; you just get influenced by the people you hang with."

"Oh," I muttered, trying to loosen myself out of Nick's grip.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I hesitated, turning to him "Can I tell you something?" I asked carefully.

"I-um, Yeah, of course."

I stared at him hopefully, my mind was racing through so many words I want to spill all over him. Right after he said he thinks I get influenced by the people I hang with my mind imploded and screamed.

I thought finally someone understands me, I thought that I could trust him, confide in him.

Nick, I said in my head. What you said about me being influenced by the people I'm around...that couldn't be anymore true.

He was staring at me intensely and impatiently, waiting for me to say something, the look on his face told me he wanted to know so bad. This may be my biggest secret...and he knows it's something big.

The party, I continued in my head, I didn't want it, when you left I knew I had to look out for myself and be responsible. But then Patrick suggested it, it got into my head. I thought I'll just have one party...but I don't know what happened, I got carried away.

And these people who get into my head, who turn me into them, people come and go, different people, and I always ended up getting manipulated by them. You, Patrick, even our managers and how they got me to find satisfaction and addiction in this stupid attention-hungry relationship.

I couldn't believe my mind was saying all these things.

Doesn't that just prove to you how low my self esteem is? How I really honestly, deep down, don't know where I'm going or who I am and basically not having a fixed personality, I'm a freaking chameleon.

My stomach dropped, thinking that there's no way in hell I could admit that to myself, or to him. I'm never going to say those words. At that point I couldn't say anything to him and wanted to drop the subject for good, but I failed because my mind continued, causing me to stammer.

The next thing I said in my head is the one thing I've been trying to avoid for the past month, and I know I can never say it especially to Nick. The car accident on New Year's eve...It wasn't me. I just took the blame.

'What?!' I imagined Nick's reaction if I told him.

'It wasn't me.' I'd repeat.

'Who was it?!' He'd demand. I'd try to not answer, but then he'll try to rile me up and get me to tell him. 'Miley,' He'd say 'You're being forced to go to rehab if you don't straighten up and fly right after that incident. You've been told you're irresponsible and a hopeless screw-up ever since that incident. And you're telling me that wasn't even you?! Why would you keep this for so long?! Who are you trying to protect?! Hell, if you told them in the first place this public relationship wouldn't even exist and no one would say you need help! You're going through all this bullshit just so someone else wouldn't get the blame?!'