Publicity

47

Nick's POV

I stared at her face for what felt like hours; she had collapsed on my chest and I had left her there until I decided to pick her up and place her head gently on the pillows...and I hadn't realized it but it had been hours. Have I slept at all? The sun is almost up; I could see the soft orange sunrise through the creaks of the curtains.

It was creepy I admit, I had been staring at her while she sleeps and even though I knew it would freak her out if she'd known I couldn't help it...I was just trying to figure things out.

My mind was going through so many things, and a little part of me wished that she had stayed up with me and talked me through it, help me think. I was still looking at her face intensely I'm surprised the intensity hadn't woke her up yet, and after so many hours I know her features too well, each little freckle, each tiny crease, how many eyelashes, the curve of her lips, the shapes and slopes of her cheekbones...I even picked up on the rhythm of her slow breaths. Was I obsessed?

I couldn't fully understand why I couldn't go to sleep, my mind feels like it's standing on the border between relief and numbness, and close to it was the edge of some cliff; and if I had fallen i'd be in the pit of regret. I felt like if I pushed myself in I'd regret this...doing this with her.

I was feeling every kind of emotion but my head tells me to not get into each one; that's why I was feeling so numb. There was this feeling tugging at me...it was heartbreak, asking me why had I let her in after she caused me so much pain? I look at her...and the first thing that popped into my head is 'I'm not angry...I forgive her,'

There was a constant battle going on in my head. A part of me had asked me 'Why? Why did the both of you let this happen? Why are the two of you so prone of hurting each other and coming back as if nothing ever happened? Falling into this exception each time, always forgiving each other in the end? Does it hurt you?'

No. At least, not anymore. Forgiveness was the only emotion I felt that night that I could name...besides that it was so many uncertain various puzzling feelings; exceptional anger, strange tiny strain of joy, funny scaring kind of relief is it actually relief?, confusing numbness, and the list goes on.

Why do Miley and I break each other, but then fall back into not being able to unlove each other, every damn time we couldn't deny that we really don't want to hurt each other? It was a repetitive questionnaire in my head, I skip each question because I don't know what the answer is and it goes back in a circle to the first question...this went on until morning and I--

A fucking alarm went off right beside of my head causing me to jump and turn to the bedside table. The alarm clock was going off; 5:00 AM. Who fucking set the alarm for 5 AM?!

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath, I reached over and tried to shut it off and it took some effort and it was beeping irritatingly for a good minute, when I got it off my eyes suddenly felt heavy and I told myself I should get some sleep now, I settled myself back into the bed and turned back towards Miley, I was surprised to see her sitting up a little on the bed a little startled, looking at the alarm clock.

"Oh," I exclaimed softly, her eyes turned to me and she blinked.

"Uh...hi," She said in a raspy voice, pulling up the sheets to her chest sheepishly. I laid my body down and she followed for some reason; she stared at me for a moment. "I should probably go," She declared and was about to get up but I took her arm gently.

"It's 5 AM." I reminded.

She was studying my eyes "Did you sleep at all?"

"Sure,"

"Do you need to get up early?"

"I have to be up by 9,"

She blinked "Why didn't you sleep?" She asked like she was deeply concerned, I didn't know how she could tell I hadn't slept at all, I guess it was obvious.