Spazzy Magazine June 2013

Sulky Stitch

S U L K Y     S T I T C H

Dear UnseenGoddess,

I have known that I have been gay for about four years now, and recently, I’ve decided I want to let my close friends and family know. However, I am more than aware of the fact that my parents are entirely against the whole concept of homosexuality. I have already decided to tell my closest friends. The first friend I told is someone who is in a similar situation as me, as he himself is bisexual. My second is the closest friend, and she is majorly supportive. I told two others, as they are also very close friends to me. This is only the initial stage of my circumstances, and I received a large amount of gratifying support from all four. I originally decided to leave it at that, however from the large amount of support I received, I began to gain my confidence and my mood was incredibly high! Most of my other teachers know as well, now, and the majority of my friends know; even the one who gossips at the speed of light! Now, here’s when the conundrum begins. I finally had the nerve to tell my parents. Prior to this, I told my younger sister, and she received it well, even joking that I might steal her crush. Skipping ahead, my parents unfortunately didn’t appreciate me announcing my sexuality. In fact, my mother thinks I am just afraid to have sex with women, and my father has just decided to ignore me altogether. Last night, I heard my parents discussing me in the kitchen. They were saying how disgusting I was and how ungrateful I was, with, of course, a lot more cussing, bad mouthing, and swearing. So, I think I’ve pretty much been disowned by my parents. What should I do? I’m really upset because once, my mother told me she’d support me if I was gay, but now that it’s actually happened, she’s turned a whole 180 degrees!

Signed,

Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

What you are going through must be terrible, and extremely difficult to deal with. When it comes to families, there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can replace them! No one could ever replace a mother and a father, and there are multiple times in life, where you will experience some sort of abandonment from them, whether it is minor or big. Evidently, your situation goes to the latter, and I cannot claim to fully understand it. I can, however, put myself in your shoes and give you the best advice I can, as I have always done. Primarily, I really must encourage you to talk to your parents. As I’ve said, nothing can replace them, and your best option is to really get them to understand you. From what I can interpret, it seems your mother is really misunderstanding you, as you said that she believes you have a fear of women, or at least having sexual intercourse with them. However, this is not the reality. Getting your parents to listen to you will take a very long time. In fact, it may take as long as a year, even longer. But you need to be patient with them. Your parents may ignore or choose not to heed your words; however this does not mean they have turned a deaf ear. They will hear you, and it will get them thinking, even if they don’t say so. Keep in mind: they will do many things that will discourage you. This can include, cancelling appointments (such as family outings), refusing to buy things for you, turn a cold shoulder, discuss in loud voices about you (as they already have done), or maybe even turning to hypocrisy! However, don’t get disheartened by any of this. Trust me, the end result will be rewarding. In all of animal family structures, humans are one of the most unique. We have the structure of a father, mother and sometimes siblings (and as annoying as they can be, you can’t help but adore them!), and we stay within the family for up to twenty years (more or less depending on the individual). Even after leaving the family, we will still associate with them. Other animals, such as lions, will separate with their parent after about three to four years, whilst other such as the majority of reptiles, will abandoned their children before they even enter this world! Many species only live with their mothers, as fathers will depart soon after mating. In the end, very few organisms have the familial structure of humans, so you should really treasure and protect this rare opportunity. “When life gives you lemons, makes lemonade,” right? You could use some connections to put to your advantage, such as your sister or some close friends that are also closely acquainted to you parents. My point being, you don’t have to do this on you own. Actually, I strongly suggest that you gather the majority in numbers. After all, your parents are already opposing you two to one; why not bring up your chances by counteracting with more numbers? Furthermore, remember that although you need to talk to get your parents to listen, “actions speak louder than words.” Make sure your parents understand that you are entirely serious about your sexuality. This does not necessarily mean, get a boyfriend, but you could try attaining a job to show that you do not intend to impose on them for money. This will also help getting you on their good side. Try to keep things as normal as possible, so that your parents don’t get the feeling that a lot has changed since before they knew of your homosexuality. After all, you’ve already known you’ve been gay for four years, make sure they are aware of that! I hope things go well for you, and do keep in mind that changing the minds of your parents will be something that will take time. Maybe more than anticipated or necessary. Don’t give up! This is absolutely crucial! There will be many times where you will feel dejected and depressed, and that will be normal! Remember, no one can replace you parents! And there’s no turning back. At the beginning, you told your parents, hoping they would understand. You already knew they were against homosexuals, yet you told them anyway. That itself is proof that you desired their approval and consolation. So make sure you finished what you started!

Yours Sincerely,

UnseenGoddess