when you say nothing at all... (boyxboy)

Chapter 8: A little bit too much sugar and unpleasant surprises

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Rolfie and the lady drummer...

Josh POV

If I wasn’t laughing so hard, I would probably have considered taking Daniel to the doctor. Since he’d eaten the chocolate mousse he acted like an even more hyperactive version of me (which I didn’t know was possible) and he had been talking non-stop. Yes, talking. You read it right. I said talking. No, I can’t believe it either (there goes my theory about him having very small lungs and therefore not being able to say more than two words after one another).

I think the teachers thought I gave him drugs or something, because they kept sending me angry glances. But I swear, it was just chocolate mousse! Unless the cook put something in it, but I felt normal.

So now we were in our hotel room and I must say, I had never laughed this hard. Meanwhile, Daniel just kept rambling, completely ignoring me lying on the ground and desperately gasping for air like a fish.

‘So I said to the lady: “I want the pink one.” But she didn’t seem to understand me. Idiot! I mean, what’s so hard about the word ‘pink’? I know that boys mostly want the blue one, but I didn’t want the blue one. I thought the blue one was ugly. I don’t like blue. I mean, I like sky-blue, but this one wasn’t sky-blue, so I wanted the pink one. The pink one was pretty, but she wouldn’t give it to me! So I said – Hey what’re you doing?!’

‘Can’t – breath!’ I answered while trying to contain my laughter.

‘I’m a bit busy, aren’t I? It’s probably because of the chocolate mousse. My mother always says: “Danny-bear, stay of the sugar!” She says I can’t handle it. But I can handle it! Look at me! I’m handling it like a freak! I can handle anything. I can handle this, I can handle that, I could handle you...I could be a superhero...I should be a superhero! I think it’s my duty. O my God Josh!! I found my duty!! And – wait. I’ve got hay fever. Can superheroes have hay fever? Well if I can’t be a superhero, I want to be a mom. My mom. I want to be my mom. My mom is cool! Except when she says I can’t have sugar. Then I don’t like my mom.’

While Daniel kept rambling on about his mother, I made a mental note that I shouldn’t give him sugar in public anymore. Thank God everything went right with the ice-cream, but I couldn’t risk it another time. Though this was highly entertaining, he would probably scare some tourists.

It surprised me how much was going on in his head though. I mean, none of it really made sense, but then again, what I say doesn’t make sense either. Maybe we weren’t that different after all. And now I had a secret weapon. If I wanted him to talk, I could just feed him sugar! I don’t mind the silent him though.

‘So my mom went to the principal, but that didn’t help. It only made things worse. And I just didn’t know what to do anymore.’

Wait what, what did I miss?! What is he going on about?

‘Your mom went to the principal?’

‘Yeah, of course I tried hiding it from my mom, but moms always seem to know everything. And the bruises didn’t really help, so I had to tell her. She said it would be a good idea to go to the principal, she said it would stop. But like I said it didn’t stop. They started calling me a mummy’s   boy or Girly.  Or even fagot sometimes. I think it was because I was such an easy target, you know. I mean I talked a bit more at the time, but still, I wasn’t like Ben. Ben dared to say anything, maybe if I would have been more him like it wouldn’t have happened. But I wasn’t.  In the beginning  I did tell them to stop, but they never listened anyway so I just let it happen. I would just stand there and wait until it was over. I always pretended I didn’t care. But I did.’

For the first time in my life I didn’t know what to say. Hell, I didn’t even know what to think. I’d never been confronted with situations like this before. I was always quite popular and so were my friends. And everybody who wasn’t...they always were just nerds to me, somehow. I always thought it was their own decision and if they would have wanted to be like us, they would have been. It was only now that I realised how terribly wrong I had been all these years.

‘I told my mom it was over. I saw how much it hurt her and I didn’t want to do that to her. That’s when I stopped talking. Nobody would listen anyway and it would only give them more reasons to hate me. At home I pretended I was fine, but I cried myself to sleep every night. And that made me what I am now. This,’ he said, pointing to himself. ‘Problem is, I don’t really want to be myself.’

Had I just been laughing my ass of, now I was close to tears. I know there’s always a reason why people are who they are, but Daniel’s story still surprised me. I mean he obviously wasn’t a big talker, but I had never seen him as an unsecure person. I had always thought he was strong, but it was only now that he showed his weak side that I realised how strong he actually was.

I mean, look at him. He had been through so much and still he went to school every day, like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. If it would have been me, I would never have been able to cope. Especially not on my own. Daniel, however, had even signed up for this school trip.

I was brought back into reality when I heard him whimpering softly. The sight was heart-breaking. The cheery, rambling boy had changed into a teary-eyed, broken one curled up on his bed, like he was trying not to be seen. At that moment, I didn’t even think about it. Before I even realised I was moving, I was sitting next to him. I pulled him into my arms and to my surprise he let me. No, he didn’t let me, he clung to me like his life depended on it. I didn’t really know what to do besides just sitting there and waiting until he stopped crying.

It took quite some time but I didn’t care the slightest bit. I just held him, while rubbing his back softly and whispering sweet nothings in his ears. My legs were sleeping, and my shirt was soaked by now, but still I held him. Because now that he broke down like this, I realised that maybe he wasn’t coping at all and most definitely  not on his own. He was just pushing his feelings away.

As weird as it sounds, I was glad he was crying and even happier that I was here to hold him, so he didn’t have to be alone. I hope he knew that.  I didn’t know why I felt so protective of the boy after just one day, but it was like he was made out of porcelain: he was beautiful but breakable which automatically made you handle him with care. And I sort of liked that feeling.

‘I’m sorry,’ Daniel whispered.

Wait, what was he sorry for? For crying? For having a bad time? Seriously, Daniel?!

‘No, don’t be sorry! I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it had to go this far. I’m sorry those assholes treated you like that. And I’m even sorrier that no one was there for you when you needed them. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. But I’m here now and I will make it up to you.’

This made Daniel cry even harder. I leaned back and lifted his head so he had to look me in the eye.

‘Daniel,’ I said while staring at him intensely.

 He tried to look down but I held his head between my hands.

‘Daniel, look at me. Listen, it’s okay, okay? I’m here.’

I whipped his tears of with my thumb and softly stroked his cheek.

‘Now let’s go to bed. It’s late and you must be tired.’

He nodded and smiled weakly. So I lay him down and put the spare blanket over him. Now wasn’t the time to make him put on his pyjamas.

Just when I was about to go to my own bed, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back quite forcefully, which resulted in me almost falling over him.

I think this was his way of saying: ‘Could you please stay?’ And so I did.