The Love I Never Had ( Thug Story )

.7

Autumn

I watched as Cholè slept in my bed. She opened all the things I brought her and loved it. She was too independent but I respect that. I wanted to spoil her but you know how she is. I wonder what made me feel this way about this girl. I know her dad and my dad was close but that doesn't mean I have to feel this way. I still don't remember our play dates because of the recent accident I had. 3 months ago I was in a bad car accident. Someone was following me on the road and the only thing I can remember was my car losing control and flipping over. I lost some memory of the younger days but the doctor promised me I would get it back sooner or later.

I put all of Cholè's clothes , shoes and jewelry inside of the extra walk in closet in my room and climbed into bed with her , holding her and falling to sleep.

The next morning..

I woke up to Cholè laying on top of me playing with my lips and kissing all over me. " Come on Cholè , I'm tired baby girl " I said and she smiled trying to get off of me but I stopped her. " Thanks for waking me up " I positioned my lips for a kiss and she leaned down to give me one. After my shower I put on my Nike sweatpants and a Nike shirt too match adding a pair of balenciagas. We had plans on going to my mom house to hang out with her. Cholè walked in with a pair of grey leggings from pink and a white tank top. " You look nice Autumn " She smiled and leaned on the wall drinking her detox water. " You look too sexy I think you need to change " I said causing her to smile again.

The drive to my mom house Cholè sung along to the weeknd. She loved that man for some reason I couldn't understand why but I just listened and continued driving. When we got there my mom was cleaning the house as always. " Cholè hea ma stop allat cleaning it's clean enough in hea " My New Orleans accent always came out when I talked to my mom sometimes. " Hey baby how you been , Finally y'all stop on by " She hugged Cholè and then pulled my ear. I loved my mama man. " So what's going on with you too ?" She questioned causing me to look at Cholè who admired my mom. " ma you know what's happening , we chilling " I said and Cholè shot me a glare. My mom shook her head before standing up. " I'm going to cook you too watch a movie or something " She said before walking out the living room.

I know Cholè was mad at me what female wouldn't be mad. We kiss , sleep in the same bed and everything I think we more than chilling but I couldn't have a female hold me back. Not right now. After a hour into one of these horror movies my mom called me in the kitchen to help her. Which really means she about to talk my ears off so I prepared myself for it.
" You remind me of your father so much , I was young just like that girl when I fell in love with yo daddy. I kept telling myself one day he'll appreciate me staying up by his side. Out of all the girls he had I was the only one that didn't let him disrespect me and try to use me for my sex and all that other nonsense. Of course he called me a hoe for not giving him what he wanted and of course I cried like a baby that day wishing I gave myself to him like all the other girls do. One day your father got caught up in some nonsense because of some girl and ended up almost going to jail for some time over drugs and a gun that wasn't his. Thank god for your grandfather. He was the best lawyer in town. He understood the love I had for your daddy and he help keep your daddy out of jail. After that your daddy thanked me so much and tried his best to make it up to me with all these expensive shoes and outfits. He learned to love me back I was a loyal woman. I wasn't like them other girls I didn't need his money or the thing in his pants to keep me running back. I needed his love and I wanted his heart. What I'm trying to get you to understand is that love is more important than being the man. That girl is going to love you one day she probably already those. Don't lose her trying to be cool for these other women. She's a pretty girl that many men would love to have. Don't lose her being cool " She said as she continued stirring the Macaroni.

" Ma you know I'm still young outchea in these streets, I ain't thinking bout no love , you asked me if I like her I said yes now you want me to love her " I sighed with frustration.

" Autumn the point is your not young anymore. There's so much more to life than running the streets. Build a house , make a baby or two , fall in love , leave the streets alone. That's all I wanted from your father but he was too selfish! " she semi yelled.

" Ma are you serious right na , that man gave you everything " I said as my blood boiled. My mom just knew how to set me off by talking bad about my father.

" Your missing the point Autumn, he gave me everything but he didn't give up the game. Yo daddy died in theses streets. You was young Autumn. Listen take my advice. I lost my love , the father of my child. My son , I would hate to lose you too. " A tear slipped out of her eye as she continued to cook. I hated to see my mom cry like this. I went for a hug but she shook her head no and pointed towards the living room.

Walking back towards the living room Cholè stood there with a blank expression. I know she heard the conversation and I know she was mad. She stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen.

Cholè

A hour went by and the food was finish. I was able to help her cook and talk to her about me and her son. I told her that no matter if Autumn and I didn't have a relationship I would still be around. I walked in the living room to wake Autumn up. He was sleeping so I woke him up. " The food is ready " I said walking out and he got up and followed behind me.

His mom made the plates , we said a prayer and ate. There was so much tension between the two it was ridiculous. When we was done eating she packed us some food , we said our goodbyes and was back on the road to Autumn's house. During the drive I felt him looking at me a few times but I kept my head down. I was confused. Why was I continuing with this man. He clearly wasn't ready for a relationship but treating me like I'm his.

When we pulled into his driveway and he parked the car I got out and grabbed my bag. Stepping into the house he eyed me and I returned the stare he was giving me. " Whats ya problem Cholè " He looked at me seriously. " You , your my fucking problem, why are you wasting my time, if you know you not ready for a relationship or to be loved by someone why are you wasting my time " She turned around facing me.
" I'm saving you a fucking heart break don't come in here thinking your my girlfriend cause you not. I like you but I don't think a relationship is for me I don't think it would ever be for me. I'm too busy working right now not to be tied down by some teenage girl " His words hit me. They always hit me like this.
" I'll be gone in the morning. Let me save myself a heartbreak. And fuck you Okay I'm a fucking a young lady I'm no child anymore I'm 18 Autumn " I said as tears ran down my face. I felt played.

The struggle of having strong feelings for a person you really like.

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