Years passed and I grew up to be a teenager but the idea never changed, the only thing that had changed was the liveliness I used to had. Even by living with the idea of death, I was as normal as any other kid my age; cheerful and playful, but it all disappeared few years later. I grew apart from people, tried to keep a distance from the real world and locked myseld indoors as much as I could. I thought that I should not interact with other people's business nor with their lives, because I thought that I was just a guest whom meant to leave soon.. So, the only friends I had were books.
As you may predict, when I reached puberty it was the worse feeling I have ever had. I felt like I'm going to hell, heaven seemed so far away. I cursed the day I reached puberty, I felt like I'm no longer innocent, and that my world is crashing. I had the feeling that sins would pour on my head like rain now that I'm no longer innocent.
Now that I was a teenager, soon to be a high schooler, already socialphobic, I felt that the doors of mercy are shutting on my face!!.
Just about the final year of middle school the problem of acne started, which made it a lot worse than before. I was convinced that it was God's anger on me, now that I'm no longer innocent.
Much more than before, I had to keep a distance from everybody.
I shut myself from the outside world, and seemed like a girl with so much issues.. of course my parents never really payed much attention to what I was going through, except that mother was trying to get me out of my room and convince me to see my friends and have a nice time with them. It was in vain of course, for I was never convinced.
Middle school ended like this, but I never knew that true hell was waiting for me in high school..
