"..And so it was like a fairytale,
My heart was a ship that wanted to sail.
Always looking for my sailor,
But when I found him it turned out to be a big failur.
Unfortunatly, I only dreamed a short dream,
But it was tasty like a chocolate cake with extra cream.
When I woke up I wanted to yell and scream
I was sad because the truth is not what it seem
This whole story from the beginnig wasn't right!
There no fairytale, no dream and no charming knight.
To be honest I'm just a girl who got enchanted from the first sight,
And it only took her one night to fall in love from all her might.
Don't be mistaken this is not a love story, this is a sad one,
Because now to him I wish I could point my gun,
He turned me into a zombie while I was glowing like the sun,
He forcibly stole my heart while I was trying to run.."
That was what I wrote one night after feeling so heartbroken.. I regreted the day that I met him..
After he got himself into my head and knew the ideal man that I always wanted; open minded yet religious, smart yet modest, and one who can talk of more intellectual stuff than silly ones. He claimed to be so, he totally seemed like the one I wanted; he discussed books with me, important stuff, he wanted me to encourage him so he can stick to his prayers; I felt I was good for something.. his ability to decieve people is no joke.
I made it clear to him, after I felt like I was falling in his trap, that I'm not someone who goes against her religion, and I would never be like girls he dated.. He, of course, said that it was one of the things he liked about me and that he shall always treat me with respect and be more of a friend than a boyfriend to me..
Like a stupid girl I believed his words; actually, I knew he was bad, but kind of hoped that he would change, or that I could change him..
That date was just wonderful, we talked for hours, walked beside the beach, enjoyed Spring's first wind. It was just like a couple's date from a movie. He didn't let me pay for dinner, which was a bit of burden to me. And to him, it was a good plan, so he can meet me once again.
After a second date, he didn't let me pay either. Next day i realised that I was in a relationship.. how did that happen, I had no idea!
Everything happened too fast for me to realise what the hell I was getting myself into..
And just like that I broke the promise that I made to myself. The heart can be stupid sometimes for making us choose wrong people..
I was someone who never lied to her family; they were more of friends than family to me. Even my two big brothers were always friends to me, they'd tell me everything about their lives, and i'd tell them everything about mine... except that!
But that night 'the date night' when I got home I felt like they all knew where I was, and I felt terribly guilty and wanted to at least tell my mother that I was out with someone and that he held my hand while we were walking..
I went to bed that night and stayed awake, my heart was on fire, and I started repenting for what I did, repeating "astaghfiro lah" till I fell asleep..
Next morning, I promised myself that I won't see him again, I won't talk to him nor answer his calls. But as if he felt that I was dragging myself away from him, he came to school finding me; he knew that I had no where to run to. So, he colored my imagination with few words: "I like you too much to think of you as an ordinary girl; you have digged your way into my heart, and I cannot seem to find a way to get you out of there. I promise you, if you only give me a chance, I would treat you with respect, I would be the ideal man for you.. I know that I'm not a good person, but please change me! I want to be a better person that can be honored to be your second half." He said. Now how can any girl reject such a confession. I wanted to believe him, though something inside told me he was lying, but I said to myself, let it be! I want to give it a try! Let us see how the end of this movie is going to be..
I had the chance to write a better ending at the beginning, but I let time choose one for me.
The ending was obvious, a break up! It is true that as I started it I had to be the one who ends it. But yet, that didn't stop my heart from breaking. Although, he only saw a cold girl in me, my heart skipped a beat when seeing him..
Skipping all the little details of my three months relationship with him, let me jump to the main reason of our breakup. He didn't decieve me, for I knew who he was at the beginning. The shock was what he thought of me, he told me that directly: "You're different! I think of you as someone I want to spend the rest of my life with; other girls are for fun, since you don't let me even kiss you, you have to let me go kiss others and do what I want to do; and you're here, safe and sound, the girl I'm going to marry" he said. I don't know about you, dear readers, but that disgused me.
Now some may think that it's rediculous that I felt all that guilt just because it marely was a relationship, just because he held my hand couple of times.. what they don't know is what being in a relationship, and that hold of hand made me do: it made me lie to the most beloved people in my life; it made me break the promise I made to myself; it made me go against my principles, those principles which were who I am, which defined me. So, just that relationship took my identity from me, it belittled me in my own eyes...
